Saturday, April 20, 2013

Burn baby burn

Day 20 WEGO Health....It’s the worst. That feeling when nothing seems to be going right for you and you’re not sure when things will turn around. The dreaded, burnout.
What does it feel like? What are your burnout triggers?
Burn baby burn

 I thought about this and while I feel like things burn me I don't let them burn me out. I make them burn me up, they increase my mission to raise awareness, promote early detection, honor my warriors who have lost their battle and really help those battling. The burn is to light my fire!!!

Every time I turn another warrior takes wings. The beauty of this is that I have made some amazing friends, the sad is that with that comes losing them. Every time one takes flight it burns my heart and makes my fight more intense!

I feel like every time I go to the friggin doctors something else comes up. I feel like I cross one bridge and another is right there. I got to tell you that I really hate bridges, HATE them. But you know what they say you have to burn some brides to light the way. So with every bridge I cross I feel like it's lighting my way to the healing.

The key to all this is to not let that burnout take you out. Have it ignite the fire inside you to light way to healing! Together we can light the world on fire. 

Wow you got to admit this was an enlightening post, blahahahahahahahaha. Oh my pun kills me. 

Friday, April 19, 2013

Cure or bust, busting a move

Here it is the official Cure or Bust shirt. Available  not just for our amazing team but for anyone who this they are as fabulous as they are. Contact for your ordering needs.  Thanks so much to them for trademarking the name, what a way to celebrate my first year as a survivor. Many thanks like huge thanks to Joni and Courtney for the wonderful design. Big props to Kim Vohs for coming up with that name!
 Let me give you the story, don’t worry it will be short. When I first started the team we used to pick a name, the winner got a prize. Then 5 years ago Kim Vohs came up with CURE OR BUST, that year we were 348 strong and raised over $67,000.00, needless to say we decided to keep the name. Since then we have been the biggest team and 2 times raised the most money, I think the name brought us luck! Last year I was approached by Save the Boobies CNY to trademark CURE OR BUST on tshirts for everyone to wear, I said hell yes (literally I said that). SOOOOOO here they are! Our team members will get a discount code for the shirts at $7 then everyone else will be $15. If you ordered a sneaker shirt but really prefer this please contact me, otherwise I will let you know when you can order them Thanks to Joni and Courtney for the fabu logo design!!
Register for this inspiring team today! It doesn't matter if you are in California, Detroit, Florida, or Texas, we can be a team wherever you are. The day of the race for for a walk, help someone with chemo treatment, make a card for a rads patient, send a meal to someone getting back from surgery. There are so many ways to be a part of this day without being there. Joining the team means so much to me., so much. You may not be there to watch me cry my little eyes out but the chances of there being a picture or two are pretty good.

Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer with a dash of MS

me and tracy
Keep smiling, keep shining. Knowing you can always count on me, for sure'. Cause I tell you, that's what friends are for. Whoa, good times and the bad times. I'll be on your side forever more. That's what friends are for

 WEGO Health Day 19……Post a vintage photo of yourself, with a caption about the photo and where you were in terms of your health condition.

1986, top of the world and so full of health, or so we thought. Too bad we were drinking, smoking and sneaking out like to good Catholic school girls to realize what we were doing to our bodies. We didn’t think about health issues, but we were in our minds healthy. Then again when you are 14 who cares what you are like at 40! We were eating crap, I mean Pat’s pizza was so yum back then. Exercise?? LOL if you call crossing Teal Ave to sneak to the mall to met boys a work out then sure. Don’t even get me started on alcohol consumption, crème de Mint was our choice (sorry dad!). Sneaking cigarettes at Marble Farms, YUK what were we thinking. Ok, I will give ya the pot smoking, that was the only healthy thing we did! Our health was not a concern only boys, cheerleading and boom boxes, but we were healthy right? I wonder if our story starts here, did it all begin when we were 14?

Now were dumb back then but then as we got older we smartened up. Started exercising like mad, have you seen Tracy’s guns!? Eating healthy, even went vegetarian (she is a meat eater now but ALL natural). We even found a way to keep our mind healthy, therapy yes but just thinking a little kinder does wonders. So is the joke on us that 4 years ago she is diagnosed with MS, then me with breast cancer?? I mean come on. WE ARE THE HEALTHY ONES!! I must say that since we were both DX we have made an even more conscience effort to be even more healthy. I wonder if our 14 year old selves would have eaten and exercised like our 40 year old selves? I am just happy that after 35 years of friendship some bumpy roads and a lot of health issues we can still be here for each other, after all that’s what friends are for?

*** disclaimer if Mrs. Taylor is reading this it was all my idea to cross Teall Ave, Tracy was wanting to cross Court St!
image (2)
2012 healthy as 2 MS, cancer fighting beauties!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

“What’s wrong?”

letting it out
  • WEGO Health Day 18….. Write about a time that you lashed out at someone close to you because of frustration/fear/anger resulting from your health condition and you wish you could take it back. Forgive yourself and let it go.
    On the flip side, write about a time that someone said something to you that they wished they could take back. Did you forgive them? Why or why not?

“What is wrong?” asks Tom. Really I thought that is what you are saying?? The day I went in to get my drains removed I was told only 2 were coming out. I was so pissed. Tom asked that to me and I lost it. EVERYTHING was wrong, how could you ask such a stupid question. I have talked about the no crying rule, I made it because if anyone was going to cry it was me and up until this day  I really had not. I had made joke through everything, it was my way of coping. Plus, it was my cancer's not theirs! IT"S MY CANCER AND I WILL CRY IF I WANT TO (hahahah got you singing again). But we were supposed to leave for the Cape in 4 days and I was done coping. I could go to the Cape with them (a friend’s mom is a nurse there and offered to help) but sitting on the beach with deflated breast, drains and no energy was not what I had in mind. I lost it, you know that uncontrollable crying that makes you hyperventilate, snot out of your nose, puffy eyes, tears  that was me. Must say I was not looking that fabulous that day.  I don’t cry like this so for my kids, husband, my girlfriend’s daughters and my girlfriend they didn’t know what to do.
only 2 come out, WTF
I know now Tom was just asking what exactly was I so upset about, but his comment at the time seemed so fucking stupid. I have mother fucking breast cancer is what I wanted to say but there was kids there and I do not swear in front of them (no really I fucking don't I swear). I wanted to scream I have tubes coming out of the sides of my body and I want them out! I have nasty fluid being drained from me and I hate them pure hate. I haven't cooked for my family in weeks and I want to take care of them. I need to feel like a woman and I can not with these god damn drains in. I WANT TO WASH MY HAIR MYSELF.

This was the worst day of the entire journey. It was so sad to me. It was the only time that I felt sorry for myself. I remember Genevieve saying “I am so glad you are letting it out” and that is what I needed to hear that it was ok to scream. Nikki sat there and just looked at me trying to find the silver lining but knew at that moment there was none, I needed that. Tom kept the kids busy yet looked over at me every now and then knowing I needed space, I needed that. MC tried to talk me down but knew all I needed to hear was “FUCK”. The kids were all great just trying to keep it light and wanting me to smile, I needed them.

But the real help came from Nikki’s mom. She looked at me and said “You are not ok, are you?” and hugged me. I NEEDED THAT! I didn’t have my mom there to hug me and tell me it was ok to have a day like this, but I had one that moment. I felt like she was “mom”. She is not a hugger but she hugged me told me something I do not remember then walked away. All I needed was that hug from her the words didn't matter.

I know this was about what people did and did you forgive them but the truth is even though Tom’s comment pissed me off so effin bad that day it also released me. I needed to finally be pissed, To cry like a little girl. To have my friend take care of me. I needed to have a mommy.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013



WEGO Health Day 17…..Take some time today to go to "">Wordle  and create a word cloud or tree from a list of words associated with your condition, blog, or interests. Think of it as a collage for your thoughts.  Inspire others with your words in a different way. Bask in the cool waters of the stream of consciousness and express your thoughts about your condition!

I decided to use my blog for words and I love the ones it came up with. I love this site and can not wait to make more. Damn I think I have a new addiction, at least it isn't crack, crack is whack!<

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Liar Liar pants on fire….

I do think my children should bow before their Queen! LOL
WEGO HEALTH DAY 16...Tell us 3 things that are true about you, your condition, or your Health Activism.  Tell us 1 lie. Will we be able to tell the difference? I started this like 10xs….

 I do not know how to lie about my activism because I am way too passionate about it. I cannot hide my desire to raise awareness and change the image of breast cancer. I want all the whispers of cancer to be shouts, I want the scars to be worn as proud marks of a warrior, I want a CURE. I can however make shit up about me. The only problem is that somethings that are true people will think are lies.

I never thought that there would be so much hate in our world. I cannot believe the bombings in Boston or the shooting in Connecticut. I cannot believe that there is such evil this world that we are trying to raise children. It is so strange to me that evil exists like this. Taking away someone else’s life is not something I understand. The pain after for these families must be traumatic, I wish I understood that.

 I never thought of myself as an activist. When I was 16 my BFF and I decided to be cool we would go vegetarian. We were so cutting edge back then. For like the 1st year we would sneak meatballs and burgers, closet eaters for sure or maybe it was the pot. Either way we stopped eating meat and were so hip or weird to many. Then in college I was a nanny for an animal rights family and I decided to ramp up my coolness. I looked up companies that tested on animals and banned them. I got rid of my leather and went au natural. I showed my friends videos of animals being slaughtered and urged them to stop. Tom took his last bite of an under cooked burger on Valentine’s Day. Then I realized I really liked leather shoes, a LOT. So I eased up on the radical animal rights but remain a veggie girl. Really because I think meat tastes like skin to me and makes me feel like a cannibal.

 I never thought I would get cancer because I am literally never sick. I hardly go to the doctor, as a matter of fact I think the only one I see the most is my OB/GYN but crap I had 4 kids in a row. I hate the doctors, I feel like when you go you leave sicker than you came. I actually hate the dentist more, honestly haven’t been to the dentist in years they freak me out. I can get a tattoo but dentist NO FRIGGIN way!! I have an actual panic attack; I even make Tom take the boys.

I never thought I would be a stay at home mom. NEVER ever did I think I would have 4 kids let alone boys! I pictured 2 kids and the first was always a girl named Grace. I went to school for forensic psychology, I wanted a career. I didn’t want to be scrubbing toilets, driving around, doing loads of laundry; I really wanted to work in a crime lab, I wanted to be Quincy!! For you very young people it was a show on TV about a forensic psychologist before all this CSI and Criminal Minds crap.

I never thought my life would be where it is but you never do right? We all have this picture in our heads of what we think life will be like. If only we could remove that image and just live the life we have and really LIVE IT! Stop judging ourselves for what we don’t do and start loving ourselves for what we do. I am a better person because stupid dumb cancer taught me this and that is the only thing I am glad about.

I really wanted to tell lies about pole dancing, smoking pot, stealing cars, watching a friend die, being a cheerleader, marching in DC for woman's rights, being in fists fights, taking off to New Orleans at 18, volunteering at a retirement village, or working in a funereal home but they all seemed like too big of lies. Or are they lies???

Monday, April 15, 2013

Fighting Brave 
WEGO Challenge Day 15 ...Comment! Pick someone else’s blog post and write a comment to them. Write that comment as your post for today and link back to them to let them know you were inspired.

Fighting Fancy:
I'm so inspired by how far you have taken these bags. The day you sent mine I was going in for my hysterectomy. The items in the bag were thoughtful and fun. You took your stupid dumb journey through breast cancer and are making it an inspiring helpful empowering journey for others. Heather, you touched me and Jill so much, you inspired us to do Bravery Bags! You are giving hope to warriors and we can not wait to start passing out the bags. I am so happy we connected and I am so proud to call you my warrior sister. I hope everyone takes a minute and checks out your page and helps you in your mission to help others. I use my bag for the gym so every time I work out I see that there is a warrior fighting fancy while I am brave.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer: Beauty and Strength

Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer: Beauty and Strength:   Jen Burgess Thompson   When I was diagnosed a lot of people gave me advice and notes, cards and gifts....

Thank a few of your fellow Health Activists for what they have done. Call them out by name or twitter handle. Share your love. Is the challenge for day 14 from WEGO. 

At first I was gonna shout out to all my friends and make a top ten list (I know I've done it before but it's my blog damn it) but I decided to repost instead. I have so many blogger friends I read daily and I didn't want to piss anyone off (Anne Marie, Ashley, Jeri, Jackie, Erin, Ciel, Anne, Brooken Boobie, Chris don't take it out on me lol).  I want to take a minute and not only thank Jen but to honor her. While you may have forgotten her family is still grieving and I am till thinking of my warrior friend. 

I'm not doing these challenges not  to win an award (but shit I do love a tiara), I'm not doing them so people will think I'm a great writer (Tom is sitting her begging me to spell check) or because it's cool to blog (call me hipster). I am doing this because I need it. I need to release emotions, thoughts and ideas. If I don't the voices in my head start having way too many conversations. So, while you may think I cheated on this one I am not concerned. I am honoring a friend who I think about every day, who I wish didn't take wings, who I know is watching over all us warriors. Who I am thankful I had a chance may it brief to know. I'm thanking her for sharing her journey because it helped me so. 
Plus you know this is my party and I will cry if I want to! Hahahahaahahahahahahaha now you're singing that