Sunday, September 2, 2012

We must we must we must increase our bust

I have been dying to use that and today seems perfect. I feel the fill doing it's magic, I guess it's magical. The expanders are meant to stretch and pull the muscles to make a nice spot for the implants. It is working trust me because my chest is friggin' killing me. It really puts a new twist on the old "we must increase our bust" boob exercises of my prepubescent youth. I think Tracy and I did these so much our arms would hurt! What a waste of time, all that work just to have them chopped off.
As my chest changes not just in growth but scars, shape, contour, sensation and squishiness (I can totally use that words so shut it!) I want to see every step. I mean see it and be able to remember the feeling. I want to remember with a photo what the hell happened. The hardest picture was the one Genevieve took 1 week after the lumpectomy. It was healing but still looked so destroyed. The second was my pictures with the girls when they signed my chest. Those boobs seem so strange to me now I can't believe those were my boobs! Stupid dumb breast cancer will never be forgotten but having an image is so therapeutic to me. I think the people around me will find a new hatred for it. The hatred will stem from the crazy breast cancer fighter it has unleashed. They thought I was off the charts before! I am on a mission to spread the awareness of early detection. To take the unknown out of breast cancer.  To make it a little less frightening to my fighting friends.  Ok, yes the pictures may still be scary and raw but at least you get a sense of what the hell is happening!I want woman to stop being ashamed of what stupid dumb breast cancer does to their bodies and say fuck it this me and I am strong and beautiful. I know that I'm struggling to do that.....
before the first fill

12 comments:

  1. Husband here. I have not said much here since the surgery, but I'm moved to do it now. I wasn't sure how I would feel about the idea of these photos being posted for the world to see. It felt personal. When I first saw this photo, it just floored me. I was completely struck by your beauty. So proud of the way you are giving yourself to others so they can understand and heal along with you. So proud to be yours.xo

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    1. Wife here....15 years and you still surprise me. Thanks for loving me!

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    2. Friend here... Tom, I thought the same when I saw the photos at the restaurant. I did not feel comfortable saying it out loud at first because I wasn't sure it would be an "acceptable" response to photos that involved pain, loss, sadness, confusion... but I was in awe of Ann Marie's true beauty. Pure beauty. that may have taken new form, but it still radiates from you my friend. xoxo Jode

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    3. New friend here.......awesome hubby. Like mine, they just want us healthy. We will be married 49 yrs Dec 26th. He's always been a boob guy (as most men) but breast cancer puts it all in perspective. I think the reason these pictures are beautiful is because they represent our strength and courage as fighters and survivors which I personally think is a very sensual quality in a person.

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    4. I think I may have to quote that's beautiful! Xo

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  2. photographer here--and to think these photos were only going to be used for a drawing so I didn't spend much time on them.
    We we frame this we will crop out the dress. You two are both awesome.

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  3. I knew you were going to say that. I have a gf who is having a rough time with her body right now and needed to put it out there....oh wait that is me! Plus my husband loves this pic and that made me happy

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  4. Wow. Stunning. AM you are simply amazing. What a beautiful and strong image. Your journey has made ME feel stronger. What's up with that?? Still thinking of you and your family. Thanks again for all the things you are sharing. I know your journey is making a difference for other women - myself included!

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    1. Jen, it scares me how I am changing yet empowers me to show it. This is pure selfishness because I ned to release myself. Thanks for the kind words and loving support

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  5. Godmother here and not a fairy...AM and TFO are an inspiration to all who face adversity and take it on! AND WIN! Love you for your strength and ability to share it openly and hopefully help someone out there who does not think they have the strength to endure...

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  6. Just wanted you to know that what Tom said brought tears to my eyes. He is an amazing person, not every husband would say what he said. Trust me, I know a few who left there wives after there surgery. So proud to say that both of you are family. Amazing!!!!

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