I have been playing with this blog post in my head, which if you have ever been on 3 different types of pain killers can be a crazy place. DIEP is no friggin joke people no joke. I have two large incisions on my breasts that are healing nice, 6 new drain hole marks (I hate those god damn mother fucking drains), a new and improved belly button, and a big ass cut from side to side in my pelvic area. Let's break it all down shall we?!
The toobs (if you are new here I'm calling them toobs because they are tissue made boobs) are soft, real looking and WARM! No more cold foobs, no more. We will watch the scars for keloids, but we are on top of it now. This is just what I wanted these toobs oh glorious toobs. I know that this seems so cray cray (as the kids say) to some but to me I just took two parts of me back from cancer! Take that you stupid dumb breast cancer beast.
Drains! Why do we hate you so?? Well you are gross tubes coming out of the side of us. When they tug on things we think they will be ripped outta our bodies. They have to be dumped 4 times today, grossssssss! They itch like crazy and by crazy I mean like I am going to go nuts and I can't scratch them. Oh and did I tell you that you have to hang them around your next when you shower?? Again gross. The only thing they are worth is when your kids are screwing up threaten to make them dump those JP Morgan grenades. Totally works. I won't even go into when they pull them out, the feeling you have oy vey.
Someone told me that the DIEP/TRAM is similar to a c-section. Really?? My incision without exaggerating goes from my butt check bone on the left to the butt check bone on the right. Please tell me how many babies came out that big, you can't cause there are none!! The other point here is that when giving birth which is amazing does not involve the removing of tissue and muscle to make breasts in a 10 hour surgery, 2 day stay in ICU, 3 more in hospital. Keep these things in mind when you try you comparisons out on people.
The following pictures are very graphic, very. Quote from my husband "Are you going to post those?" I debated but I really feel like they need to be seen. This was 2 days after surgery. I am very very swollen and have gone down a lot since and I mean a lot. And am starting to take shape nicely, I'm looking forward to watching my body heal. It's been through a lot and I'm so happy with this chapter. FYI I am in a lot of pain physically but mentally I feel the healing beginning.
I will leave you with this story....
I get an email from a sweet chick who my cousin gave my contact to. We chatted back and forth via email. We talked doctors a few times about recon and our upcoming surgery. Wait when is your surgery? Just so happens that my DIEP is Wednesday and Michelle is getting her mastectomy on Friday, on the floor that I will be moved to. Wouldn't it be funny if we met?? At 3ish on Friday I just got out of ICU they said ok let's get you up to me. So I put my wedges on, no just kidding that wasn't happening this time, so I get my sandals on and start walking. I was dizzy, light headed, nausea but I was up and walking. And I was heading to room 5037 the exact room that I had my mastectomy in. MC and my nurse were with me and we saw some people milling around, it was Michelle's family and she was back in her room. Her husband waved me, I cannot express how happy I was. There is nothing like a breastie hug nothing. We meet in the halls again for another walk but the texting was already outta control by then, I hope she has unlimited!
I can never ever explain the feeling of meeting someone with cancer, someone who gets your crazy thoughts, your happy ones, your guilt and your pain. They understand when to give advice, listen or cry. They just get it. The bonds I have made through this are insane. I met Jaime another badass cancer ass kicker, a few weeks ago and if a few days go by without a text I worry. Just today in a simple chat with a breastie left me feeling relieved that someone gets me and what cancer warriors need, she has a great name too (hint it's Anne Marie). Next week I will be meeting someone that I have been talking to for almost a year. We have shared some private info and some good girl friend chat but most of all we lean on each other. I'm so excited so excited!
I'm not ready to rock my tiara but the pink boa is near by. I am looking forward to getting physically better each day, having my mind heal a little each day and starting 2014 new and improved!
DISCLAIMER this took way longer than I ever thought and trust when I say I didn't write enough, maybe I should try youtube videos were I talk!!!!