Thursday, March 21, 2013

WOW I am a “blogger”


So I started this blog because my family is so fricking nosey I knew they would want every detail of my journey. When I started it I thought that just my friends and family would see it, so I didn’t give a rat’s ass how I worded things (Tom on the other hand cringes- effin teachers). I opted to not censor myself, keep the images real, I would not sugar coat anything; basically just me on the web! A loud ass, sarcastic as hell, full blooded Italian with STUPID DUMB BREAST CANCER. I never expected anyone to really read it.
Well, holy cancer cells Batman, this blog has had over 77,000 hits! If you Google "stupid dumb breast cancer", I come up and am the first 10 hits; my kids LOVE this (FYI I know you just tried it). I have people visit from all over the country, thanks to my friends in the Netherlands and Egypt, wow!! But more importantly I am helping to change how breast cancer is seen. I am making a difference. I am actually reaching men, women and friends of survivors and helping them through this beast. Guess college paid off, psych major here! Take the fund raising out ($23,810.00 raised and donated, sorry had to toot my own WEGO horn). It blows my mind that all this has happened because I got cancer. Hey Cancer, you picked the wrong princess!
Not only are people reading this, but they come back for more. They laugh with me and cry on the same page. They are relating to me because they hear heir own story in mine. Then to be named a finalist in the WEGO Hilarious health blogger, wow again! I have to tell you I am ranked with some of the funniest bloggers. Damn it all to hell, I would love for any of them to win! BLAHAHAHAHAH who am I kidding? I want the crown. There is a crown involved, right???

BIG PROPS to my fellow finalists, whoot whoot (done with a fist pump) Check their blogs and tell them Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer sent you!
Chris Dean Life
Alissa Celiac disease
Bev Ribaudo    Parkinson Chato Stewart mental illness
Eric Rutulante  Lyme
H. Alan Scott testicular cancer
Pamela Sloate  Chronic Movement disorder
Pattie Hultquist
Lupus Yvonne Desousa MS


Monday, March 18, 2013

Dear Stupid Dumb Lymphedema

Dear Lymphedema,

Hope this finds you feeling as crappy as you have left my arm. I just wanted to express my thoughts about our relationship. You have left me with a bum right arm; don’t you realize that is my smacking arm??? Let us first discus the work out aspect of our hateful relationship. Did you know I LOVE pushups and burpees?? Well I do and you have left me no choice but to do them the pansy way. I mean how dare you take my pushups away, they makes me feel like a badass when I have my feet on the wall and I am yelling at MC to do 5 more. I will get there just to piss you off.

Second let’s talk cooking; you must be a fucking idiot because I am the cook in the family. I flipped a grilled cheese last week (by grilled cheese I mean roasted jalapeƱo, cream cheese fakin bacon, apricot preserves on homemade bread, not some bullshit American cheese crap!!) the whole thing fell apart because I have no gripe in this god for saken swollen dumb ass arm/hand you left me with. Do not even get me started about cutting a loaf of bread!!

Third, there is the “do’s and don’ts”. Like do NOT cut your cuticle, oopss did that. No scented lotions are you kidding me I am a vanilla and black currant freak! Do not get IV, BP, or blood work in that arm, CRAP. Guess the whole hysterectomy with them taking my BP solely in that right arm screwed me?? Maintain an optimal weight, again crap I have gained 20+ pounds. And the one that pisses me off like no one’s business….”WEAR WELL-FITTING, PROPER SHOES”, you do realize that I am show obsessed, like the higher the better!!

In closing I would like to tell you what I am going to do. I am going to wear a cool ass, blinged out LympheDiva ( compression sleeve and show my warrior sisters that Lymphedema has nothing on us. I am going to strengthen that arm and smack you back to next week. I am going to stay on this with my fabulous PT lady and keep you from getting into my life more. I will stomp you out with my heels (something need to stay the same). All in all I hope you do not get too comfortable in my life because I have no room for you swollen, painful ways!


Ann Marie

AKA Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer ass kicker!