Saturday, September 8, 2012

It's better to look good than to feel good

After a little boob juice yesterday, a group of girlfriends and myself got all dressed up and had a wonderful gathering last night. The food AMAZING, the wine flowing like the Nile (how many bottles of "good" wine did we go through), the ambiance beautiful, and we looked MARVELOUS!!!! Now I have to say that just because I was wearing a pretty dress and some cute shoes (thanks Margret!!) on the inside I felt like shit. As my friend Fernando says "it's better to look good than to feel good darling". Which I have been quoting a lot, which I have realized no one gets! So check this SNL skit out.

Ok, now for my warped thoughts. Last night made me feel so great. I have known these women for 10 years and see most of them every day at the gym. We have formed a bond based on health. Our goal is to keep our bodies strong, but by creating these friendships we kept our minds even stronger. The group was so kind in their words about me. When they first met me they called me "mighty mouse" because my weights were bigger than my body, that makes me crack up. My one friend said she has learned through me how to treat and help a friend going through something like this. The host commented on how she learned that doing something for a person battling any illness is the only way to help, just asking to "call me if you need anything" doesn't do jack shit because they are never going to call. The fact that I have taught these women this means I have taught others these things, too, and that is exactly what I want to do! I heard things like "inspiration", "strong", "tough", "amazing" these words about little me. All so intense words to me because I feel just, well, average. I am just another girl fighting stupid dumb breast cancer my way. Ok, so here is my warped comment...they basically gave me my eulogy. Now most of you know that I have a funeral background which makes me have an odd sense of death. I have thought about eulogies a lot especially my own. We say all these wonderful words to people at their funeral, they can't hear this and it certainly doesn't make them feel good about themselves when they are gone. Let's face it, while they are alive, we talk smack. We judge each other and bitch about all "faults" others have then when they are gone all we can do is say how wonderful they are. WARPED when you think about it. So, I want to thank these amazing women for not just making me feel great when I felt like shit but saying such kind, sweet words about my bitchy self. Stupid dumb breast cancer: thanks for making my friends give me a living eulogy. Here is my advice today.....tell that someone how amazing they are right now, make them and yourself feel MARVELLOUS!!!!

***Footnote-there was that stanky bitch that said "go home and take your drugs, you look like shit", but we will ignore that since everyone else was nice!

Friday, September 7, 2012

Mommy is this why your boobies hurt so so bad?

That was my son when he watched this. Naw its fine, I got it! After much debating and lots of advice from friends and fellow boob juice women, I have decided to do one more fill, plus these tatas have shrunk!!I have been obsessed with looking at literally everyone’s boobs, I am getting very good at telling who has fakes and real. I have to live with these for the rest of my life, so does Tom even though he says he does not careJ.  The docs recommend trying on clothes to see how you look and most of my tanks are too big. Now let me say that having stupid dumb breast cancer has given me the right to shop like a mad woman after this so there will be new clothes, but I really like some of my old crap. It is a very hard decision. I am not at all looking forward to getting this down. Yes, now I know how it feels and while the injection of boob juice is bearable, the AFTER pain is not fun. And I have some fun planned this weekend!!! My workout girls are having an "After the Boobs" party tonight, these bitches can not only work out but they are awesome cooks and entertainers. Tomorrow we are going to my favorite restaurant as a bonus my dad and G-Deb is having the boys SLEEP OVER!!!! So the thought of being achy all weekend just sucks, but that it is life.

While I want to really piss and moan, bitch and vent but I cannot stop thinking about Jackie. My heart is heavy for her and her family and the suckiness of what she is going through. I HATE CANCER and how it changes your life and the lives around you. I see how it gets in my friend’s and family’s head and makes them sad.  Honestly, if you have never been affected by cancer, you do not understand the magnitude of how it rips lives up. It is stupid and fucking dumb how a disease really takes control of your life. I know my blog is not medically focused or scientific, but that is not what I need. This is completely for my emotions and how I feel. I will not apologize for the content. You either like me or leave me. I need this release and have found so many other survivors, fighters and those just diagnosed who need it too. I am so friggin happy to help them! Through this struggle I have realized who my support staff is and who is just standing there. Without my support staff, I would have snapped at the onlookers and things could have gotten ugly, so be grateful for them. I really am a nice loving person, really no jok,e I am. What are you saying I am not? WTF, how rude, don't make me smack you!

Genevieve will be there today to not only snap away some pictures but make sure I do not get too big. Gotta love my girls looking out for my girls!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer: Tickets are on sale

Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer: Tickets are on sale: Please join Genevieve Fridley Photography and me on October 21st from 4pm until 7pm as we display the real, uncensored version of stupid dum...

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Tickets are on sale

Please join Genevieve Fridley Photography and me on October 21st from 4pm until 7pm as we display the real, uncensored version of stupid dumb breast cancer. The cost will be $10 advance sale tickets and $15 at the door. The show will be at Pascale's Restaurant in Fayetteville. Ticket sales will begin September 1st. Please contact me at for ticket purchases. Tickets and donations can be paid via PayPal as well. The part of the proceeds will benefit the team CURE OR BUST at the 2013 Race for the Cure on May 18th. The other will go to Stand up to Cancer. I am so excited that we are using the money for research and education. Both of organizations are fabulous. Any and all donations are greatly appreciated. If we have donations for food we will have more money for these important organizations! Contact me if you would like to donate.
There will be a cash bar and light appetizers, so drink heavily and eat minimal. We are looking for any donations for food and print costs. Genevieve is donating some prints. These print will be used at various events. If you are willing to help with keeping costs down PLEASE contact me. Thanks so The Art Supply Store for donating some framed pictures for the event, so generous. Plus, please check the coupon on the blog as well! They are donating 10% of your purchase to Cure or bust, get your framing done and support the team.
Please mark your calendars and tell your friends. What better way to celebrate Breast Cancer Awareness Month than showcasing a life SAVED from early detection. These pictures have been so incredibly therapeutic for me, amazing how Genevieve captures the emotion. They have also inspired other women going through stupid dumb breast cancer now (and friends of these women who need to see the harsh reality of it). I really hope to see you all there. Stupid dumb breast cancer lit a fire inside me. Join me as we find a way to stop it! I wonder what shoes to wear??!!
For Tickets Via PayPal. PLEASE tell how many tickets and if they are for survivors!

Monday, September 3, 2012

Boob juice

Good thing they filled both sides.

Turkey baster or needle??

Sunday, September 2, 2012

We must we must we must increase our bust

I have been dying to use that and today seems perfect. I feel the fill doing it's magic, I guess it's magical. The expanders are meant to stretch and pull the muscles to make a nice spot for the implants. It is working trust me because my chest is friggin' killing me. It really puts a new twist on the old "we must increase our bust" boob exercises of my prepubescent youth. I think Tracy and I did these so much our arms would hurt! What a waste of time, all that work just to have them chopped off.
As my chest changes not just in growth but scars, shape, contour, sensation and squishiness (I can totally use that words so shut it!) I want to see every step. I mean see it and be able to remember the feeling. I want to remember with a photo what the hell happened. The hardest picture was the one Genevieve took 1 week after the lumpectomy. It was healing but still looked so destroyed. The second was my pictures with the girls when they signed my chest. Those boobs seem so strange to me now I can't believe those were my boobs! Stupid dumb breast cancer will never be forgotten but having an image is so therapeutic to me. I think the people around me will find a new hatred for it. The hatred will stem from the crazy breast cancer fighter it has unleashed. They thought I was off the charts before! I am on a mission to spread the awareness of early detection. To take the unknown out of breast cancer.  To make it a little less frightening to my fighting friends.  Ok, yes the pictures may still be scary and raw but at least you get a sense of what the hell is happening!I want woman to stop being ashamed of what stupid dumb breast cancer does to their bodies and say fuck it this me and I am strong and beautiful. I know that I'm struggling to do that.....
before the first fill

Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer: Reasons I hate stupid dumb breast cancer

Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer: Reasons I hate stupid dumb breast cancer: #1 LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME!!!! #46 because it is sneaky.  I feel great! I am healthy and eat right (I have been a vegetarian since I w...