|My dad trying to obey the "no crying rule" before may mastectomy, wasn't easy for anyone.|
This is the end of breast cancer awareness month and it made me think (yes that can only mean I need to blog). BEFORE I got stupid dumb breast cancer I was a huge supporter of this cause, like massive. Just ask any team member of Cure or Bust and they will tell you how hard I tried to raise money for CNY Komen. I have a love for emails especially. I always wanted the team to focus on the celebration of life, whether it is the lives fighting, surviving or lost I wanted to celebrate their battle, nothing says celebrate more than Jello-O shots! I wanted people to go to the race and be empowered by the pink sea of survivors, to see their family walking next to them to show their support and to see the friends who are wearing tutus honoring their friends. The day is really incredible! Did you register yet? I owned pink tie dyes with ribbons and other paraphernalia to show support. I would have people say to me "When did you have breast cancer?" I would reply "NO NO NO I never had it I am just supporting the cause". I was all about breast cancer awareness before then WTF May 5th came and smacked me.
I had no clue what was going to happen but I knew I wanted to be a survivor. I only told very few about the lump, the mammo and the lumpectomy, why worry anyone when it was probably nothing. I still remember standing in my doctor's office and hearing her say "I had to look at the name 5 times on this pathology report". I knew I had fucking cancer she didn't have to say it. The blog was born! Literally, instantly I wanted it out there. Yes, the photos came after but the idea was brewing. I wanted to be public about it because that is how I was handling it. I was so scared because yes I knew women who won but I knew so many that died. I lost my mother from tragedy at 1 so the reality of my kids growing up without me was too fucking real. The harsh truth of my dad without my mom scared me for Tom. Death is fucked up and leaves an aftermath of pain that is embedded forever and I did not want that for my people. Plus I sparkle way too much!
So as I post on FaceBook or blog it's my way of spreading awareness of cancer. I want people to be aware of ALL stages and to hear so many different stories. Listen to Jackie, Ashley, Dolores, AnneMarie, Kate, Shari because their story by help you or someone you know. Yes if you actually read through my blog I do talk about other cancers but people I have breast cancer so that is what my focus is. I did not get the "easy" cancer I got CANCER. I was fortunate enough to have caught it early, but still suffering from all it brings. I have scars and surgeries and more doctor's appointments and tests then I ever want for anyone. Easy my ass and I got a big ass! I am doing all this STUPID DUMB BREAST CANCER for all those fighting, being diagnosed, and leaving this earth. I am raising money and awareness for them. I want people to see a small part of my journey and what the harsh reality can be. People walked away for the show with that and more. The pride in my family, my children, husband and friends eyes of being a part of this was awesome! They get it and they are my soapbox from where I yell, very loudly I might add.