Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Menopause is the new puberty, minus the sex drive….

The new hairy boobless me
Cancermenopause, yes it is a word. It is my word and do not even try to tell me different! Here is the deal, most woman hit menopause in stages. They gradually come on and you learn how to deal with them. They sometimes give you hormones to balance that all out as well. Then you get stupid dumb breast cancer and things change in the menopause world! When they take ALL your hormone out and you cannot have any hormone because you have a hormone cancer, you my friend are in full blown cancermenopause! I remember being in the hospital and about 7 hours after surgery the nurse said “have you had a hot flash?” I thought, there is no fucking way after 7 hours that would happen. AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!! I was sitting watching “Bridesmaids” with my girlfriends, nice and medicated from the pain pills, eating some firecracker chocolate (how apropos) when holy hot sauce the wave of heat came over me. It is literally like you are burning from the inside!! You instantly want to rip all your clothes off and jump in a bath of ice, would not have been a pretty sight since this was 28 hours post op!! No shit this happened that fast. Did I tell you I cry during “Walking Dead”, who does that? It is zombies and killing but when a walker dies it is water works, I mean they were someone’s loved one, wah wah wah! One minute I am super happy cause the kids are sleeping the next homicidal cause Tom left the cupboard door open then I am sobbing cause Anthony hugged me. I know you are thinking that is normal for me but sister I am telling you I do NOT CRY!!! The rest of that is normal do not leave the god damn cupboard doors open. I feel like I am on an emotion roller coaster. I swear to god Menopause is the new puberty! Can we talk hair GROWTH!!?? Most of my cancer girls are wishing their hair would come back in, trust me Denise you are not hairy at all, Cecile if I could give you my status on this I would. They took the estrogen out now my testosterone is on over drive. I need a haircut every other friggin week, I am shaving at an alarming pace and do not even look at my arms! Crap, I am full blood Italian I do not need any more damn hair!! The night sweats followed the night after the surgery. You wake up drenched in sweat and not wanting anything to touch you, sorry Tom! I now am basically sleeping naked cause that seems to help, again sorry Tom to make you get all hot and bothered. Wait that is what I am but not at all in the sexual way, UGH!!!! See it isn’t just night sweats, hot flashes and mood swings it is all the other shit that goes with it. Now one would think with all that testosterone I would be well, wanting to have lots of sex. NOPE! UGHHHHH, sex drive is in grandma speed. I love my husband and all he does for me, especially here. This is the one time I agree with my family, god bless Tom! WTF, took my boobs, my girl parts, my energy, left with scars, and now people sex drive is added to the list. Does anyone have any Viagra??