Ya piece of cheese

One of my favorite pic, my grandmother could DANCE!!

Happy Birthday to one of the strongest pain in the asses I ever knew. Today was my grandmother’s birthday and she was the true badass! She spoke her mind and didn’t care how it came out or how you took it. Nana did it all from the heart or not at all. She would iron the shit of out clothes (took 100 washes to get the creases out) and did not believe in a Swifer. She actually thought the devil invented it! Her skin was gorgeous and she ate like a champ. When the chips were down she was at your side to clean it up. She drove us nuts with her gospel talk and quotes from 60 minutes. She loved baseball and basketball but HATED football. Her doughnuts had to be crème filled or it was a not worth it . She was known to take food out of the garbage as to not let it go to waste and she would eat the food off your plate if you turned away. Her basement was damp and musty but refused to stay upstairs.  Every Sunday she buttered both sides of my boys bread and gave them a dollar. Nana made the best eggplant and no one really can do it like her even though we all think we do. I miss her more than life and want her here beside me. I want to listen to her bible quotes and the click of her dentures. I want to take her to Peter’s to buy 2 bananas cause she only liked them fresh. I want her to yell at me for drinking diet Coke and booze. I want to hear her say that woman who drink beer out of bottles are "trashy butanas". I want to hear her say “twenty lashes with a wet noodle”. I wish she was here to tell me all the things I am doing wrong during this battle eeven though I know she would be so proud. I want her to cry with me…..

Happy birthday ya old lady, you will always be 90 years YOUNG to us!!

Rosemary’s baby

 

Even before stupid dumb breast cancer reared its ugly head I have been a cystic girl. I have had a little dusting and cleaning done every other year just about (I think the technical term is D & C but mine is funnier). I have had 3 miscarriages and 4 babies, a tubal ligation, ablation and a scope every now and then, needless to say my girl parts have been worked over. So when I was still getting the periods after the ablation my sweet doc decided to have a look, like he hasn’t been there before! Low and be hold there are some more cysts growing like wild fire. If you saw my file at this office you would laugh, the girls can’t even fit it in the holder they have to set it on the counter. I think one uses a forklift to get it out, So these cysts (Rosemary’s baby we call them, if you have no clue what I am talking about please Google) are giving me pelvic pain, pressure, lower back pain and cramps like the devil’s child. Considering my history it is ALL coming out. My cervix, uterus, tubes, ovary…out and good riddance! I really thought this would be about 5 pounds worth of weight but it looks like its only ounces, wtf I get robbed again! Once the pathology reports come back we will know what the next steps are. Taking this one step at a time and trying not to leap forward.

Here is the truth, I am scared like a crazy lady. The uncertainty of all this makes me nuts. Plus, add the fact that they thought I just had papilloma and then told me it was stupid dumb breast cancer makes my nerves even worse. I did not realize that the surgery was 3-4 hours, well I guess when they roto rooter your vagina they need to keep you under for awhile. I have been told that my begging will not work to go home. Looks like I am sleeping over, my sister offered to stay with me but really could the hospital deal with the both of us??? Unfortunately for me this doctor and staff know me oh too well so I know I can not beg my way to going home. I need my rest they say, yeah cause getting my vitals checked every half hour is so restful. As my brother says “Don’t be difficult, try to be someone else” so I guess I will listen. The surgery itself is at the same place I had my mastectomy, I am hoping for the same attendant!!  I guess I need new PJ’s, MC will you help me find some. LOL I can not find PJ’s I like, partly because I am so friggin short and the other cause I don’t normally wear them!

don’t even get me going over the menopause shit. I will be in full on menopause, hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, my poor family. If anyone has any suggestions I will take them because I can not have hormone, breast cancer LOVES estrogen. I am wiggin out about this, I am a spaz as it is I can not image adding to this!

Overwhelming oh hell yes! So glad I got the easy cancer, huh? I am hoping for everything to be ok but the world is a crazy whacky place so you know what they say “Hope for the best, prepare for the worst”.

I went and got my eyebrows done, shoes shined, pedi next week, hair next week, then its show time! I have the BEST shoes for this one, these are glittered out, I mean come one they are taking a LOT out. Last time I was so concerned with what underwear to wear, well this time I do not need any. If you have read my blog you know I am very inappropriate  under anesthesia, can you image what will come out as they place my legs in stir ups!? Last time I had surgery with this doc I told the nurse to make sure he didn’t slip a ruffie, thanks god they had a sense of humor. Don’t worry I waxed too (Brazilian that is lmao).

Stacks for Racks…

I HAD CANCER

 

I am a guest blogger on the site www.ihadcancer.com

The site connects cancer fighters, supports and survivors by what type of cancer you have and where you live. You can search by age, too! It is an awesome page. PLEASE check it out….

http://www.ihadcancer.com/h3-blog/01-14-2013/Do-You-See-What-I-See

Do you want nipples to go with that?

“You have breast cancer and we will be removing your breasts. Would you like to keep your nipples?” As my head was spinning back in June from the first two statements the last was like “WTF are you talking about?” When you have a mastectomy you have the option to keep your nipples or have them removed. I choose to say good bye nips. They cannot guarantee you that they will get all the cancer cells out of them so I decided to get rid of them. Not to mention the whole idea of having them sewed onto my ass to save them was wiggity whack to me! True story, I know a woman who has a sister who had that done, BLAHAHAHAHAH!!  

Only 2 refills???

 So after my reconstruction my sweet plastic surgeon said “We have boxes of prosthesis nipples for you to choose from, if you would like.” A box of what?! Life is like a box of nipples you never know what you’re going to get. Sure enough they come in different sizes and colors, but alas no glittery pink ones. I see a market for this for sure. The doc needs to give you a prescription for them so do not try going down the nipple aisle at Wegman’s. Let me say you cannot pick up your prosthesis nipples at the Pharmacy at Target, you need a mastectomy store. Oh the things we learn through this process. Really sticker like, rubbery nipples, no fucking way!! But you know me and a good laugh is right up my alley. SO I brought the script to New Beginnings over in BrittionField, AWKWARD!!! The dear women that work there are older like grandmotherly and I hand them the slip of paper saying “I am here for my nipples”. “What dear speak up?!” UGH, nipples you are killing me here. They were awesome there and processed the order. I am sure the people at insurance get a kick out of running that through.

Oscar right???

 

At first I was like “This will make a great joke” and then I kept thinking of all the pictures Genevieve could take, ohhhhhh the possibilities are endless. When we took them out we couldn’t decide what to do first. After sticking them on things and making Oscar the Grouch. I tried them on…..WOW I look like I have real boobs. It changes your chest into real boobs, CRAZZZZYYYYY. Really it was wild how they made my boobs look well, REAL!! I totally understand why woman want these. They are not a joke at all. They build confidence and make you feel whole. They stick well too, now it’s not to guarantee they won’t fall off so beware! They instantly made me feel like I was well “normal”, do not say it. At first we didn’t think they would show but as you can see they do. I know you won’t want to “nip out” all the time but that is without a bra, just a sweatshirt, so with layers they don’t pop as much.  This whole process is insane. Every step is strange, educational and scary all wrapped together. I never in a million years would think I would be writing about prosthesis nipples, holy shit! Next chapter hysterectomy, that should be interesting……..