Sunday, November 17, 2013

I'm sorry did I order a mastectomy?

I'm in a mood so I hope you can stay with me. There are so many stages of cancer, degrees, different types, and treatments all that making everyone's journey different than the last. Now add the personality of the person in and BAM different again. Doesn't make it the right or wrong way, just makes it their way.  When I was told I had cancer and my options were a lumpectomy with radiation or a mastectomy I choose the mastectomy, my choice! I don't ask for a mastectomy cause I was bored, I had friggin cancer. Does that make my cancer less, no it makes it different. Can I relate to every cancer badass out there, no I can not but I sure as hell can try to find someone who can. Shit I don't even like everyone cancer or not some people are just mean.

The reason I am saying this is because there is sometimes this fucked up competition  with cancer. WHAT?! Yup you heard me right, people actually compete, compare and judge someone by their cancer. I want to say its the cancer doing it not them but shit I think it's the person really. You can't judge someone's journey unless you walk in it. You can't compare how they are dealing by how you did you are different people. Not to mention how does any of it effect you? It doesn't effect you at all. It effects them and they are doing the best they can just like you.

Some people thought I was nuts because I wore stilettos into my surgery, while I am nuts but I had my reasons. Don't worry I'm gonna tell them to you. First, I love shoes! Second, my sweet BFF's daughter bought the for me to make me happy and they did so I wanted something happy the day of surgery. Third, it gave everyone something to talk about besides what was about to happen, mastectomy from cancer unless you forgot. Last, those shoes made me feel strong, empowered, and brave. I needed to feel those things for me cause I was scared as hell. You can't judge my shoes unless you walk in them, they are 6 inch heels go ahead and try!

People actually judged Deborah from shaking her thang before surgery, why?? What does anyone care if that helped her get through like my shoes helped me? What if that video helped someone down in the dumps, what if that lifted their spirits?  My friend Tessa cried, as she puts it "like a big
ass fool" as the wheeled her away because that's what she needed to do. What if her crying showed someone they were not alone? Why do we look to the negative so fast instead of embracing the positivity in these situations? After the surgeries and treatments (if you have treatments which some people do not but which are so different) you do whatever you need to get by. I choose blogging and reaching out, seems to work for me. I met an amazing warrior today at my support group that was like "I do what I do and get by. When it's done it's done I will move on". She is awesomely awesome and her positive energy is infectious and I want her to come back. My breastie Kim walked in crying this week, last week it was Rebecca both for different reasons but they needed that. Guess what, they ware just was awesomely awesome as the next one because they are doing what they need to get by!

Cancer is a stupid dumb ass that messes with you on so many levels, yes I know I've said that before but for some reason no one is listening to me. It's stupid because it can sometimes bring out the worse in people when they are going through enough as it is. Respect for those battling their own battle is so vital not just cancer battle but life! You don't know what someone's life it like when they shut that door, so why would you judge how they handle their life. I may seem like I'm Miss Positivity but crap I'm in physical pain from cancer, emotional pain from cancer but am choosing to smile to show cancer I'm stronger than it. You can't judge me unless you have held my hand, wiped my tears, laughed your ass off when I trip or shinned my tiara.

I didn't choose a mastectomy because it was in InStyle magazine and trendy, I choose it because I had cancer. So I will deal with it like I know how, in stilettos and a tiara because I'm me regardless of cancer.


  1. dear amer o,

    WELL SAID! no one should be judging anyone - not their choices, not their kind of cancer, nor how they need to do whatever they do to deal with it. NOT EVER!
    thank you for speaking a truth that needs to be told.

    much love and light,

    Karen, TC

  2. Well said. I am sitting here in pain due to a bilateral mastectomy I received last Tuesday. I still think it's hard to realize... I got CANCER WTF.I have read some of your posts and I have actually got some laughs. Thank you. I can't wait for these f#@king drains to come out.

    1. Glad you are doing well Gail! The recovery process is rough, but once you get those damn drains out you'll feel much better! I hated those suckers. Good luck on your road to recovery. - Jessi

  3. Thank you AM. It seems people forget that we are all different, and we all make our own, very DIFFERENT choices. Like I've said before, I am NOT sorry for what I chose, and I'd do it all over again to make sure I beat cancer. These are some of my favorite lyrics, and I find them so appropriate, "There is a road, no simple highway, Between the dawn and the dark of night, And if you go no one may follow, That path is for your steps alone." XO. - Jessi

  4. The different coping mechanisms and stories that I read help me. All of them help me. Sometimes it is because they make me smile. Some of them make me think, "if this person can keep going, so can I." Other people's stories are sometimes so heartrending and I think I am lucky that what I am dealing with isn't worse, and I can be just a little braver. I admire you and all the women I see and read about. It makes it a tiny bit easier to see that I am not alone. And this is a long haul. Seeing these different reactions and coping methods may one day inspire me to find another one. Keep up your good work! You don't always make me smile, but you always make me think!

  5. I'm listening darlin'. And you can still say it as often and as many different ways as you need.

  6. I was fighting against a stage IV cancer and i won, lucky my husband who helped me all the time.I think it is very important that family support to win, because i was very weak;really helped me participate in one group of victims of cancer, so my mood improved, also helped me a adviser of are doctors).I recomended not surrender, because sometimes the first treatment does not work as me, and change doctors if it is necessary.Read positive thinking books gave me more energy.During my cancer,i changed my diet,now i eat vegetarian organic food(now i not eat meat).I think is a set of things that help me.

  7. Read your blog tonight. Totally awesome...real, raw and kinda girl. Doesn't hurt that you have a kick ass attitude as expressed in your picture. Again, my kinda girl!! I was wondering if you would ever like to be a guest blogger for me? You can contact me at Hope to hear from you soon!