Tuesday, December 11, 2012

A library event WOW

I heard through the grapevine that the library had a “surprise" for me. I hate surprises, I am the one planning the surprises, not getting them! I had it under great authority that I would love it. Well, I DID!! The library made me a fabulous Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer tree; it was filled with quotes, shoes and pinkness. It is awesome, just like the staff there. They also had a message board with things people could say to me, which is still there and I cannot wait to read. Surprises were good here! Thank you so much my friends at Fayetteville Free Library, thank you.

The night started with rain, Yuk. I would rather it snow, sorry but I would.  Then my van died in front of the library, needed a new battery. Truly never a dull moment. My minions got to work. My older boys were very good about helping set up and get ready so big thanks to them! Genevieve got to work displaying all the photos which I think looked beautiful in that library room. MC and Kristin set up the shirt table, seriously what would I do without my peeps??? Echo, Riley and Ben stayed to help pass things out and then listen to the talk. Made me so incredibly proud to have them there. My son needed to hear this to really grasp what I went through on this summer. The girls needed to be aware of this for the future. I was so happy that my niece, despite how crappy she felt, as did two other teenagers that I hope get inspired to be active. Well, I know they will and I cannot wait to see what they do! I think I just lite a fire under their asses, I am proud of their passion to fight cancer.

I loved meeting all these survivors that I have grown to be friends with. I mean I LOVED it. I feel like I know them but seeing them made their story come to life. You do not know how much that meant to me. My story in part is some of their story and we share a cancer connection. After the negativity left the building (yes it seems t follows me like the plague) the energy that came through from everyone was pure positivity! And so I began MY journey with everyone listening, laughing and shedding a few tears. I tried to not watch my sister; she is a water works girl! I told my story which to me and my family made for a long, tiring physically draining summer. My son was so proud of me, which made me so happy. I mean shit he is almost 13 and he was inspired by his MOM!

I want to make this BIG; I want this to come to your town. See the reality is that it doesn’t matter if people in Troy, NY know me personally. If they know cancer then they get my story. I am just simply giving cancer a voice and a face. There is so much more behind this pink ribbon that I love to wear. This is the story of a young woman of 4 boys who caught her cancer and took the paths that she saw fit. It may not be the story you relate to but it is showing what happens to a women’s body when she takes this path. I want people to see those drains coming out, the scars, the pain, the SHOES!! Breast cancer has a face and it is young, it is fierce, it wears high heels. Stupid dumb breast cancer is not your grandmother’s disease. It hits woman of any age, race, and ethnicity.

So, I thank the library for their support and the guts to show this at the library. I would love to come to your library, your school, your town. South Carolina isn’t that far right??

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Motherless Daughters


Sometimes I go about my day and the thought of my mom never enters my mind. Lately, she is nonstop.  There are times in a child’s life that they just need their mother. I was so lucky growing up to have 2 amazing Grandmothers, a sister, a godmother,  a big brother, a dad like no other, Aunts who went beyond their role, my mother’s friends who took me in,  and friend’s mothers who made it their duty to treat me like a daughter (Momma Lorraine you always make me feel like a daughter). Because of all of them, I was so filled with love that it was easy to get past the loss. Through a LOT of therapy I learned to become who I am, knowing that I was just like her and to stand proud. Yes, sometimes the loss is intense but you learn to get used to it. Anyone who says “you will get over it” is full of shit and does not know what they are saying. You never get used to a losing a loved one, you just learn how to cope.  

My mother died just a few weeks after my 1st birthday. It doesn’t make my loss harder or less than my sister or brother, it just makes it my loss. I grew to love the woman in this picture without ever even knowing her; a mother’s love is that strong. During my journey with stupid dumb breast cancer the loss of her has been the biggest challenge. Some days it would be so great to have her, but I do not let myself go there. I remember that in some capacity she is in my life, she is here.  I am told she was a fierce, opinionated, strong willed, out-spoken, hard ass of a woman. HMMMMMMM……I think we may have butted heads, A LOT!