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Sometimes I go about my day and the thought of my mom never
enters my mind. Lately, she is nonstop.
There are times in a child’s life that they just need their mother. I
was so lucky growing up to have 2 amazing Grandmothers, a sister, a godmother, a big brother, a dad like no other, Aunts who
went beyond their role, my mother’s friends who took me in, and friend’s
mothers who made it their duty to treat me like a daughter (Momma Lorraine you
always make me feel like a daughter). Because of all of them, I was so filled with love that it was easy to get past the loss. Through a LOT of
therapy I learned to become who I am, knowing that I was just like her and to
stand proud. Yes, sometimes the loss is intense but you learn to get used to
it. Anyone who says “you will get over it” is full of shit and does not know
what they are saying. You never get used to a losing a loved one, you just
learn how to cope.
My mother died just a few weeks after my 1st
birthday. It doesn’t make my loss harder or less than my sister or brother, it
just makes it my loss. I grew to love the woman in this picture without ever
even knowing her; a mother’s love is that strong. During my journey with stupid
dumb breast cancer the loss of her has been the biggest challenge. Some days it
would be so great to have her, but I do not let myself go there. I remember
that in some capacity she is in my life, she is here. I am told she was a fierce, opinionated,
strong willed, out-spoken, hard ass of a woman. HMMMMMMM……I think we may have
butted heads, A LOT!
I just read this and I know your shocked, I'm crying. I've always known in my heart this would be so hard for all of us in our own ways. I only can remember a few things, it's hard as the years go by....one thing for certain, I look at you and I see her. Her beautiful dark features, which you have. She loved Christmas and making cookies, your baking is a wonderful reminder, mine, not so much. Her helping at school and with friends, your helping people you don't even know and friends who love you as you are part of their family. I know she is not only with you each and every step of the way each and every day...but you have every wonderful, beautiful part of her inside and out. We've never talked talky about her and our feelings as adults and children, and probably because it is hard to go there but know you really are something special and so deeply loved. XO
ReplyDeleteP.S. Oh yeah...I would have paid to see you go at it! Daddy was putty in your hands.
Ok I will give you this one! Love you more than glitter😝
DeleteWow. This hit home, though I lost my mom when I was 18 (to SDBC). You NEVER get over it, that is so true. I can't imagine not having those 18 years with her, and I'm so saddened by your story. They watch over us. They're proud.
ReplyDeletePlease don't be saddened, it's made me who I am and love never stopped! Thanks for you words. If you have not read Motherless Daughters the book check it out!
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