Friday, December 21, 2012

The making of a hypochondriac

Before I was diagnosed with Stupid Dumb Breast cancer I was NEVER sick. Even if I had a little something it didn’t bother me enough to go the doctor. Sure I did my yearly crap but nothing beyond that. Then the effin lump came into play. Now I feel like I am uber (I love that word) sensitive to any little thing. A couple of weeks after the mastectomy I was getting this pressure above my eye. Not a headache per say but constant pressure. It was affecting my balance and caused me to get floaters. Must be a tumor right? No just nerve damage from the anesthesia, it gets better over time but worse with each surgery. Guess I am screwed there.

A couple of weeks before the lump I had an ablation, hystercopy and a D/C, nothing like cleaning out the parts. I have had bad periods, cysts blah blah blah so we cleaned house. The ablation should help with all that, nope. This past couple of months my friggin period has been early, came in like a monster and gave me cramps and lower back pain similar to labor. Really I do not need this shit, no one does! So a sono revealed some follicles (another great word, seems all happy and gay!). Gotta love an internal sono, “Do you want to insert it or shall I?” After the sono I went to the OB/GYN, my FAVORITE office, warped I know but the staff and doctor make me feel like family not a patient! My sweet OB decided to do an in house biopsy, OUCH!!!! I love when a male OB says “It is a small probe, I will be quick and you will do great”, excuse me but do you have a vagina??? I held my awesome nurse Gia’s hand and it was over fast but shit balls that hurt. Biopsy came back …what was that word “unremarkable”, really that is good no cancer there but what a dumb friggin word! I am still having back pain that is shooting down my leg and cramps with pelvic pressure so just to be safe I had a CT with contrast of my pelvic and abdomen.

So I drank my white chalky crap at 11:20 and went to be scanned away. It was gross, cold or warm all GROSS! You know how I roll, with a posse in toe. MC and Genevieve came along for pictures (cause ya never know what they will find) and moral support (cause ya know I have no patience right now). I do not think the nice lady working the big machine was amused by my estrogen, but she ended up being a good sport. I think it is funny that spell check changed entourage to estrogen so I left it, BLAHAHAH! ANYWAY, they scanned my lower parts in no time and I was off and running, to the bathroom cause dude I had to pee! Then home to wait……

I know I am so lucky that I have friends that will read my results ASAP. My good friend called me to tell me I have ANOTHER fucking cyst, he did not say it this way he is too sweet. Basically, I am a breeding ground and need to have it all out! The thing that sucks is you have to do all this when you have been bitch slapped by cancer, you just never know. The correlation between breast/ovarian/uterine cancer is crazy! There is no cancer right now YAHOOOOOOOOOOO but honestly I feel like these cysts are just waiting for some action. I do not plan on giving it any! Anyone that thinks that cancer no matter the stage, ends with a mastectomy or the last round of chemo or the last radiation is a fool. The doctors all take all "issues" differently and with a closer eye. The oncologist will review all this when I visit him in January before the oopherectomy/hysterectomy (more funnier words). At this point January 24th can not come soon enough. So out with the uterus, the ovaries, the tubes and cervix who needs you anyway, not me.

I never used to worry about health issues, I do not have Munchhausen, I never liked being sick. This is all new ground for me and I do not like it. I used to be so active now I can’t focus. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. My journey has been hard for me, yes there are other people dealing with much more, but for my family this sucks! Every time I go to the doctor a new “thing” arises. Makes me not want to go. As time goes by I know this gets less and less the worry at least but right now until my MRI in May I worry. Cancer is a sneaky bastard that loves to pop out and give you hell. I plan on being just the bitch to give it back!