Huff, ink and UGH

http://live.huffingtonpost.com/#r/segment/personal-ink-breast-cancer-pinterest-molly-ortwein/512f664e02a7601f8100038f
TWEET Tweet Tweet Tweet ok I admit it I do not know what the hell I am doing on Twitter. NO CLUE! Someone said maybe “we” are too old, oh hell no I am 29 remember? My little cousin tried to explain but I tuned him out because well frankly I do not care. I use it how I want to use it and the hell with the rules. So sometimes I RT, sometimes I tweet or quote or favorite sometimes I don’t. But Thursday I tweeted to my new favorite Pinterest page Personal P.ink http://pinterest.com/personalink/ . The page is amazing! It is site for mastectomy survivors to post, share, get ideas about INK!!! Yes, ink to cover, celebrate take over those scars we HATE.I got a RT (retweet for you fools who do not know Twitter) from Meg from Huffpost live. Huffpost live is part of Huffington Post but live news feed. They were doing a segment on Molly the badass who inspired her brother in law, Noel to start Personal P.ink. They wanted me to come on too! Huffpost is my fav news outlet, so I was all excited and honored. It was a pleasure to work with all involved and I think it made for an amazing piece, watch it and you be the judge! Of course you know me, this got my wheels turning and I really hope to work with Molly and Noel in the very near future. They just met me but you know how I am when I get an idea….   INK


Add caption

I started my chest piece this week. My friend DJ owns Halo tattoo and my ink master. He knows I have wanted to get this done since the doctors first cut into me. BUT he is a smart tattooist and told me no way not yet. I was bummed but he wants my scar tissue to heal some more. So I started the butterfly that Ben drew. “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly”. Ben drew the butterfly so that the wings would not be the same, like a real butterfly. What he didn’t realize is that my breasts weren’t the same. The right was full of cancer, the left had a “probable benign’ spot (wtf I HATE that saying). The butterfly is over my right side were the cancer was growing. I feel like I am making my chest my own. I could not control this cancer growing or the mastectomy and these scars but I can control what they will look like. Molly has these gorgeous flowers that remind her of Brazil, a special place to her. That is just it special to HER, making her chest hers again. Will this take away the scars, make them unseen? NO but they make them OURS!! The breasts are fake anyways, like a blank canvas so way not paint away??? I really have to say did not feel much of it, except when I got to the breast bone. I actually told DJ I could fall asleep in the chair.   UGH So the Drag Show is tomorrow!!! And I waited until the last minute to get a dress, what the hell was I thinking?? Shoes I got, from an old friend who saw a pair in BUFFALO and she bought them for me and I love them. Friday night me and 3 friends hit Destiny USA. I had an idea in my messed up, scary, cancermenopause head of what I wanted. I wanted sparkly, loud, BRIGHT pink CHEESINEES. Could I find that, NO! Not for lack of trying, anyone who has been shopping with me knows I am an ADD spaz. I tried on lots but none were it. Since I have been nothing but honest here I will explain a few things. There was a whole list of reasons why I walked out of there without shit. 1. Those who think when you have cancer you lose weight are dumb asses! Sure some do but most pack on a few pounds. Like almost 20 for me. I am vertically challenged so it shows. I am trying on sizes I haven’t worn since I was friggin pregnant. 2. We were hungry as hell!!! Why didn’t we get something to eat, even a pretzel?? Oh wait I was leading the bunch and no food till we succeed; I need to change that rule. 3. The stupid dumb implants that stupid dumb breast cancer gave me do NOT squish, like at ALL. And believe me we tried very hard to squeeze them in. It does not work!! UGH 4. I had an idea in my head and I wasn’t finding it. I want PINK but you know what is out right now (besides Duke)?? CORAL it is everywhere. I hate coral. 5. It was now 9:15pm and everything was closing. I mean how dare the mall close when I needed a dress. Home, hungry, deflated and crying. Wasn’t about the dress at this point. It was about the change in my body that I couldn’t control yet am stuck with. It was about how cancer for a brief moment was sneaking back into my life and making me lose it. I know I will get the weight off but for now it is on and it sucks! I do not like waiting just ask my BFF’s. They tried so hard but I was beyond help in the end. My Mr. Fixit was so good to me making me a snack and watching The Walking Dead with me, he knows how to cheer his girl up! SOOOOO, after soccer, grocery shopping, pizza dough making, screaming at the kids and getting beer making supplies I set back out. Oy vey, I love to shop but this was nut-JcPenney, Sears, Dougherty Masquerade (do not laugh I almost rented a princess dress) Macy’s, Plato’s, Eco Chic (we do not do CHEESY), Off the Rack, DAVID’S BRIDAL (I was desperate), Boom Babies then back to Destiny (OMG stop the madness). Luckily I have an amazing friend and daughter who went with me. SOOOO we went to BeBe, Hot Topic, Saks, BCDG (yes Diana you happy??), and another bridal store, Cache and about 5 others I cannot remember. FINALLY found a dress and I let everyone get a soda and a pretzel. Is it what I imaged, nope not at all. But my posse says it looks good. Is it bright pink, no pale pink. My posse says it is the right look. Is it cheesy, sparkle?? Well stop by Rain Lounge tomorrow night and see. But for now this princess is exhausted and needs her beauty rest. I have a show to put on tomorrow. Crap I hope these Queens let me do a few numbers, I have the dress after all!

Cancer is a drag

We are days away from the PINK OUT and I still don't have a friggin dress, you know I got the shoes though, thanks to an old friend! The dress will be bought tonight, the pinker the better, the more sparkle the better! my hair is already pink:)
Why a drag show? Why not! Since when does fund raising have to be boring? Not when I'm involved. I want it to be a blast so you have no choice but to reach into your pockets and donate. There is no question about it I can throw a party and this will be over the top. I came to my good friend/hairdresser/bar owner Duke with a little idea for this and because he is Duke he brought in amazing talent. These queens are from Ru Paul's Drag Race, this is not some small town drag show this is the drag show. Rain Lounge is a place I have visited a few times, ok so what if they named the pole after me and the staff knows my drink, the place is perfect. It is about accepting people for who they are, no matter their differences. It is about loving someone in-spite of their differences. Doesn't that say enough! I am beyond thrilled to be sponsoring this show with my sweet friend Duke as the host. I just hope all the queens don't mind sharing the stage with a princess!
This event will benefit my new partner (more on that SOON) Cancer Connects. They are a local     organization that helps cancer patients through mentoring, support, and  massage therapy.   http://www.cancerconnects.org/ please check them out. I could not be more happy to be helping my local community.  I know that there will be a cure someday but I do not know if I will ever see that. I want to help my warrior friends NOW, who are battling and need support. Cancer Connects helps your whole being which is vital especially after. The other to benefit from the event is my race team CURE OR BUST. CNY Komen helps our community, free mammos being one of them http://centralnewyork.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/SYR_CentralNewYorkAffiliate?team_id=234025&pg=team&fr_id=2850
Check out the team and while you are, join!

PINK OUT will be an amazing show no doubt. There will be a photo booth, cocktails and friends. The silent auction items are awesome and will raise us a ton of money. The shirts are pink and fabulous and only available at the event. So please come out, no pun intended. Join us as we show that cancer is a drag but we don't have to be a downer about it!

Happy Birthday to my Professor

For better or for worse.....yup covered those

In sickness and in health ......oh yeah that is covered

Till death do us part....ok no death right now

I have spent the last few days really thinking about my husband Tom. We have been together for 20 plus years, wow!!! We met through some friends that were getting hitched, Sean says it was instant chemistry and I agree. Tom knew what he was getting into, because when he met me for the first time I jumped out of the bushes to scare them. That was it, it was fast and we jumped into it head first. Did we do some crazy dumb things? Yes, but as of today it has all worked out. Like every relationship, it has been rocky, sometimes like Rocky Mountain high. We have fought hard to get where we are and I like it here, it is soft and cozy. I could sit here and type how great he is, what an amazing father he is, true friend, solid son (and son in law!) but that is all easy. And I want the reality, check it.

He loves me, completely with such intensity is scares me sometimes. He wants to always be my knight is shining armour (he knows I like sparkle). When I was first diagnosed, that was the hardest thing for him. He couldn't fix it. There was nothing he could do but watch. Yes, he was there for me and said kind words. He is a male so sometimes they were dumb, too, but all with the right intent. Yet he still couldn't make cancer go away and he hated that. I saw the anger and frustration but under that was love. When I want to cry I have his shoulders, when I need to punch he is ready, when I need to just be alone, well, he is working on that. I have a lot of great friends, a few best friends, but he is my needed friend. After all these years we have seen that we need to learn that- how to be there for each other. I am so proud of how he has seen this and done his job to make it happen. Everyone says "Bless Tom to put up with AM", I say that is true. I am a ball of fire to his calm ocean tide. Damn that was corny as hell! Yes we could not be more opposite, right down to how we grew up. Somehow it works, not always, but we are good at repair.

Happy Birthday to my.....ying to my yang, my spelling checker, grammer correcting fool, my stubborn mule, guitar playing, concert going, beer making, love me crazy but I like crazy and feel good there, my safe spot, my silverware drawer cleaning at the wrong time, waiting in the car, father of my pain in the ass kids who we both love no matter how many dumb things they do, my ahhhh he is home guy, my jesus christ pick up your socks before I snap man, my kisser, my TOM I can't reach something, my cupboards open, lights on, beared, lost his keys, where's my wallet, getting lost, we have to turn around I missed the exit MAN!! I am sure that sentence may just send him over the edge, MWAH:0)