home sweet home

missing Ben he is fishing, love my BOYS

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Stick of dynamite

My evening nurse was amazing really amazing! She was a wise Cracking woman who would not take my shit, which made my family so happy. She called me a stick of dynamite, small but explosive! Hmmmmm, guess she got my number. Last night was good, well the drugs were what made it that way. So many people called and texted, thanks so much! Sorry I couldn't answer all the calls I was drugged and out of it. I did sleep on and off. They tell you to sleep then come in every hour to check vitals, fluids, dump drains, how the hell can I sleep if you keep waking me up? My blood pressure did drop very low and they freaked a little but we got it under control. I am waiting to see the doc so I can get the hell out of dodge. I feel so powerful from all this support, please know how much it means to me. If I forget a thank you I am sorry, I blame the drugs just like in high school. My dad and G-Deb, my sister and brother were very good about keeping their tears under control and only giving love. Damn Italians cry over everything. I know they want to help so there will be bathrooms and floors to clean this week. Tom was great and made me feel strong and proud of myself! I love him for that, among other things. So I thank them all especially! Genevieve taking all the pictures made me have to smile, cause shit I wanna look good in them. Her support through pictures has been so therapeutic who needs a shrink when you got a photographer!! Then there is MC.....every step she has been there. Felt the lump, I knew she always wanted me. She went to the doctors with us to ask the questions while Tom and I tried to take it in, then she explained them to us in terms we got. She sat through the lumpectomy, and pounded the doctor with questions after. She has kicked my ass in work outs really making me strengthen my chest muscles. Came to my radioactive dye day even though she was freaked I would react on her. MC was up here at the crack of my ass helping not just me but everyone else in the family. And believe me my dad, sister, and brother are a lot to handle. She fielded my phone and the 100,000 questions people had! After surgery she pounded the doctor again with questions, she asks a lot if questions! She walked me down the hall for the first time and just laughed with me. I can never thank her enough but I wanted her recognized for what she has done for me, Tom, and my family. Because let's face it I am a LOT To handle!

Electric blue pee

My pee is a very beautiful shade of blue. It's from the radioactive dye, not my vibrant personality. I feel really good, really! I mean considering I had a double mastectomy, tissue expanders in, and am so drugged up, really good. Hey, did someone set their elephant on my chest? Cause that's what it feels like. Ouch! I am wrapped up like a mummy and hate that feeling, but a breast cancer girl has got to do the things she has to do. The nurses told me to stay dosed up, just like college. The doctors did their magic and stayed steady handed. The nurses are wonderful, not all of them are liking my wise ass comments, but I am who I am! The nurse asked me if I had diabetes, nope just breast cancer. She didn't laugh. The doctors got a huge kick out of me wearing pink sequin stilettos to surgery. Some people found it crazy, huh go figure? Look I needed to be fierce today, so I was in fierce shoes with attitude! All went smooth and everything looks good. We will know more on July 25th. I am in my private room with a fabulous view of Syracuse. I have been drinking and peeing blue. Tom is bringing me dinner and chocolate pomegranate (so yum), I hate hospital food. MC and I took a stroll just now, and was told to not try to leave to go to the bars. I love my nurse, love her! I am waiting for Genevieve to come up so I can do my walk again,in HIGH HEELS! Thanks for all your love, support, prayers and good vibes. I felt the strength from you,  I really did. I am glad this part is done, check it off the bucket list!

Off to see the wizard

I am up and ready as I will ever be! Good bye boobies you tried to kill me so.......OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!! Stayed tune for Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer featuring Tom Otis....... 7:26 am Hey people. We are down in surgery waiting to meet with the surgical team. AM is in good spirits. The nurses don't quite know what to make of her. She's sporting some crazy pink six inch heels along with her nasty hospital gown. She's cracking jokes and calling the shots (shocking!). I'll give you an update after she's through the surgery. 10:34 Part one is complete, plastic surgeon is finishing up. Things look great! A closer look at the nodes did not reveal any cells, which is the best news for right now. We'll have a full pathology report in about a week with the final word. More in a while when she's out.

It just hit me you have breast cancer

Design by Margret

Says my girlfriend who has been with me every step of the way, dumb ass DUH! You know when you need to be injected with radioactive dye, how you bring along a cancer research scientist friend to help and she makes fun of you the whole friggin time?? What that's not normal? Well neither is being injected with dye to make you glow but that was my day. Just walking into Nuclear Medicine was a a joke, really that's the name of the room. Receptionist "who did you bring with you?", me "my bitch". It was comedy relief from there. The nurse and nuclear doctor (how does one aspire to be that type of doc) were very nice. The nurse had more sense of humor than the doctor for sure. I tempted her with jello shots to join Cure or Bust next year and left with her email, hell yes! She played along as MC asked if I should ride in the back and even offered to give her an injection for shits and giggles. Let us first discuss the table to which I sat, picture a diving board, now cut it in half! I had to ask "what if I was a fat ass?". I mean I got a small butt and it was hanging over! The doctor started the procedure by saying "this will burn a little" to which I replied "so you know this from experience?", no he said! Well how the fuck do you know was my reply! The first side not so bad lots of scar tissue there from lumpectomy so it hurt but shit I 4 kids so doable. Left side, WOW! A little like battery acid dripping into your veins. Burn a little my ass more like a smack! Then the nurse massaged my boobs to get the dye flowing, felt pretty good for a nurse. We waited for the dye to get to work then it was picture time. Did I mention I'm claustrophobic? So I really enjoyed 30 minutes of being in a box. The good news it worked and I light up like the 4th of July! The doc came back in with his vibrator, I mean wand and waved it,chhhhhhhvvvrrrrrr it went, I held back my jokes there.  He marked the spot and I was on my way. I asked if I would go off under metal detectors, she said no but you cant leave the country, DAMN I was heading to Iraq. We stopped for lunch, a homeless man asked us for just "75 cents", I said "ya dropped something", his dime bag fell out. I then came home where I found a fabulous pair of shoes on my doorstep, Margret rocks no doubt. The shoes helped since I threw up and feel so dizzy. Good times here. Stupid dumb breast cancer you are really boring me. SO tomorrow you will be gone, you have no powers here, BLAHAHAHAHAHAH (evil witchy laugh). Tom will blog and update, he will channel my witty humor no worries. He doesn't swear as much so it will be G rated. I have my boxing gloves on and sparkly shoes ready for tomorrow.Change is all I can think about not just my body but how my whole being.  I will emerge a fabulous butterfly, colorful, full of life and a little sparkle in the wings. This change is big and I am looking forward to spreading my wings and soaring.

It was hilarious you should have been there!

Boob Voyage

I literally have the breast girls. They took me out to wish me the "breast" luck in style. Everyone looked amazing and they really pumped me with good vibes! I do not know how to really thank them for their support because it is beyond just "thank you". I just know that IF chemo is needed they will ALL shave their hair for me! Last night was just what I needed, I love you all.

My sister and niece Nicole

My wing bitched

Seriously AWESOME cake

Forever TaTa girl:)

Mi Familia

My Jess

Prep for Boob day

There is so much to do to get ready for having a Double mastectomy. I mean set aside all the friggin lists I've been making, the play date arranging, stocking up on food, and just every day shit. I had to get waxed, threaded, a cute pedi, a new tattoo with my favorite people and a hair cut so I guess I'm ready?! Tonight my girlfriends are throwing me a "boob voyage" party, gotta say good bye to the original sisters! What great friends to send them off in style and in true girlfriend form "slutty tops" encouraged! This is the original Girl's Night Out, these girls need to get out. This energy is so incredible I can't stay down for long. And I thank them for that. Then my hubby is taking me to dinner, without kids! How lucky am I?? Great friends, supportive hubby, crazy ass family and an awesome pair of new shoes! Expect for the stupid dumb breast cancer I'm good better than good fanfreakingtastic. Not gonna lie I fucking hate this stupid dumb breast cancer and what it's doing to my body. Don't even get me started on what it's doing after! I look at these amazing breast cancer woman before and after their journey and I'm in shock. At first I thought it was sheer fright but as I sit here I realize I am in awe by their strength courage and how amazingly beautiful they are with those stunning bald power heads and warrior scars. In a weird way makes me proud to be one of them weird because I am find them more gorgeous than any "super model". As my support staff said "you got this" and I known this but lets face it in preparing for all of this I'm totally entitled to piss and moan, bitch, cry, punch or slap (who's up for that), I refuse to hold it in. So if your there for the bitching, crying, hitting be happy I think of you as a good enough friend to do that in front of. Plus, you're helping me get ready for one hell of a lumpy ass journey! Early detection saved my life, so cop a feel today:)

And now I am pissed off

We have 4 boys ages 12 to 4 and getting together to watch something as a family is a challenge. There are so many inappropriate things out there and if you know child #3 you know he needs no encouraging. So when we started watching "Cake Boss" it was perfect. For those who do not know its a reality show about a bakery in New Jersey. The family is straight up Italian American and the boys can find someone in our family that reminds them of the people on the show. So needless to say we LOVE the show. My Sammy so much that he wants to go to Carlo's Bakery for his birthday!! At Sunday dinner today there was a preview for a new episode and the mother is ill. The family is shown all crying and worried about her well being. I know, I know I am getting to the point, relax. Sammy lost it. I took him in the other room where he cried and told me how scared and worried he was. He obviously knows I grew up without a mom so he gets that can be a reality for some. Seeing the fear in my son's eyes made me so pissed off like I can not explain.

****Disclaimer VERY FOUL LANGUAGE to follow*****

Go fuck yourself breast cancer! Hate is too nice of a word for your stupid ass. How dare you scare my children. Only I can do that! You can kiss my ass because that is all I will give you. You are nothing but a little bitch slap and I will destroy you. You have no idea what type of fury you lite in me!