Dear Lymphedema,
Hope this finds you feeling as crappy as you have left my
arm. I just wanted to express my thoughts about our relationship. You have left
me with a bum right arm; don’t you realize that is my smacking arm??? Let us
first discus the work out aspect of our hateful relationship. Did you know I
LOVE pushups and burpees?? Well I do and you have left me no choice but to do
them the pansy way. I mean how dare you take my pushups away, they makes me
feel like a badass when I have my feet on the wall and I am yelling at MC to do
5 more. I will get there just to piss you off.
Second let’s talk cooking; you must be a fucking idiot
because I am the cook in the family. I flipped a grilled cheese last week (by
grilled cheese I mean roasted jalapeño, cream cheese fakin bacon, apricot
preserves on homemade bread, not some bullshit American cheese crap!!) the
whole thing fell apart because I have no gripe in this god for saken swollen
dumb ass arm/hand you left me with. Do not even get me started about cutting a
loaf of bread!!
Third, there is the “do’s and don’ts”. Like do NOT cut your
cuticle, oopss did that. No scented lotions are you kidding me I am a vanilla
and black currant freak! Do not get IV, BP, or blood work in that arm, CRAP.
Guess the whole hysterectomy with them taking my BP solely in that right arm
screwed me?? Maintain an optimal weight, again crap I have gained 20+ pounds.
And the one that pisses me off like no one’s business….”WEAR WELL-FITTING,
PROPER SHOES”, you do realize that I am show obsessed, like the higher the
better!!
In closing I would like to tell you what I am going to do. I
am going to wear a cool ass, blinged out LympheDiva (http://www.lymphedivas.com/) compression sleeve and show my warrior
sisters that Lymphedema has nothing on us. I am going to strengthen that arm
and smack you back to next week. I am going to stay on this with my fabulous PT
lady and keep you from getting into my life more. I will stomp you out with my
heels (something need to stay the same). All in all I hope you do not get too
comfortable in my life because I have no room for you swollen, painful ways!
Sincerely,
Ann Marie
AKA Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer ass kicker!
We need to wear practical shoes for lymphedema of the arm? I had no idea. Like, absolutely none. ~Catherine
ReplyDeleteCatherine, Actually we aren't even supposed to cross our legs!! Anything that hinders the flow, oy vey!
DeleteYou kick it's ass AM!!! No one more inspired than someone being told NOT to do things! Wear those high heels and your blinged out sleeve (by the way, I think looks pretty awesome!) and never give up!!! :)
ReplyDelete