Saturday, November 24, 2012

I will not let breast cancer take my holiday

A sample ot today's work



I started at a little before 7am and just finished. Yes it took me longer than normal, yes my back is killing, my chest is sore and yes I only made 13 instead of 16 different types of Holiday cookies. BUT I FUCKING DID IT!! Everyone kept saying "You don't have to make cookies this year", "This can be your year off", "Why bother?" I will certainly explain!
First, I am a baker and I love making cookies for Christmas. I have been doing this for so long I can not even remember when I wasn't making them. I have rules- well just one, stay out of my way! So Tom happily takes the kids out of the house all day. My entire family looks forward to my cookies. Cooking for people you care so much about when made with love is such an incredible feeling. I want them to feel that every year.
Second, I had to show myself that even through all that has happened, how I am feeling and what is up next, I can still do this. I realized how tired I was, so I stopped and didn't make the last three. Maybe I will or I won't, I am not worried. I have to admit cutting the bar cookies was difficult, which pissed me off but made me more determined.
Third, yes they drive me nuts and need to get the fuck out of the kitchen when I am bakin,g but when Tom and the boys came home smelled the house it was worth it. Anthony was excited his favorite kind were coming out of the oven, Sam wanted the three layers "so bad", Julian ate an Anise ball and proclaimed them the best, Ben took his favorite split levels to his buddy's and Tom tried at least four saying that this year his favorite was the Anise,  like Jules. This made me feel like I gave cancer another kick. I know to some reading this you are like "She needs medication!", but right now being able to bake all day is huge. Making it to another holiday is magnificent!! I wanted to just be able to do this without stupid dumb breast cancer getting in the way.


Happy Holidays from the Otis Family!
Taken days after my double mastectomy


Anyone who knows me knows I do three things at the holidays, bake a ton of  cookies all in one day (DONE!!), throw a killer Holiday party (next weekend, whoot whoot) and I have to be the first holiday card you get. Yes I know I could have taken this year off I get that. HELLLSSSS NOOOO!! I hope that when some of you (sorry I can not mail it out to everyone that visits my blog) got your mail today it was in there and you opened it. I even wrote on every single card, in pink of course. I love getting and giving holiday cards and I wasn't going to make this year any different. I love the holidays and my OCD ways!

8 comments:

  1. I love this post Anne Marie! My mother has always done like 20 different kinds, so I often don't bother with more than one. I'll just be dull in comparison. I suppose someday I'll have to step it up. Nonetheless, I have a true appreciation for what it takes and I love that you stuck to your guns and got it done this year. Enjoy those boys and those cookies! Happy Holidays!

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    1. Happy holidays to you my friend. Food fuels the soul and cookies just make it sweeter!

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  2. As we are going through this time in our lives together, I also look forward to a normal holiday season! I had my oophorectomy September 24 and my bilateral mastectomy October 18 as a prophalactic measure because I have the BRCA 2 gene. The pathology report showed I had stupid, dumb breast cancer. I have my sentinal lymph node disection tomorrow to see if it has
    moved forward in my body. Imagine that I may have had treatment for stupid, dumb breast cancer before I even knew I had stupid, dumb breast cancer! Anyway, I have laughed and teared up as I have read your blog because everything you write is basically how I feel (must be the Italian connection). I have always wanted to make those 3 layer cookies and damn it this year I will.....now do you share your recipes? If you do, I would love it....my email address is j_greblick at yahoo dot com. A big thank you for sharing your true feelings with honesty and humor......you are really cool (I love it when someone calls me cool, don't you? LOL)
    Jill

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    1. I think you are really cool too! Wow what a journey you are on. Breast cancer really is stupid and dumb but smart and sneaky too. I do share the recipe and will email it to you. It was my Auntie's and she would love for me to share. I will email you today. Much much and hope to you sister, please keep me posted on the nodes either here my email or Facebook. Did you get the dye? Crazy the path we are on....

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  3. I did not get the dye because no one expected me to have cancer so they removed the tumor and then we found out I had it. I have no idea what they are gong to do tomorrow but I am at Dana Farber in Boston and they have been remarkable so i trust them. The liklihood it is in my nodes is very slim but we will see. I am also anxious to see the tatoo you are going to get...I am getting some too. I don't really like looking at this big scar across my entire breast, there should be something so much prettier there. Now, back to the cookies.....those green ones look interesting as well! actually they all look interesting....

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  4. Hi Annmarie, I can't read your blogs and not comment! I am moved every single post. I can't believe you did all of that baking! I was amazed before with the all in one day baking I knew you always did - but now, now, well I'm speechless. You are amazing. Merry Christmas! Dana

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  5. I LOVE IT! I'm late to your stupid dumb club, but I had my mastectomy in late October and am going through reconstruction now - had a party of 30 people in my little NYC apartment last Sunday. I cooked like a maniac with my hubby, and I was tired but happy to be alive and have all sorts of great energy in the place!!! My step-daughter will be here for Christmas and we're thinking of doing it all again!!!

    Q: How do I get a SDBC tee shirt? I love it! I just got a stupid cancer shirt and it cracks me up - even my husband and daughter got them. Lots of good vibes to you, thanks for being out of the "cancer closet", as I call it.

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    1. Isn't it funny howjust making dinner is a huge undertaking now! I checked your blog and loved it too. If you inbox me on facebook www.facebook.com/stupiddumbbreastcancer i can give you my address for the shirts. They are $15 and I only have small girlie and reg in the black but all sizes in the white. Sending you some crazy good vibes!!!

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