I had a long drive to Rochester today, just children in my car so I thought and thought A LOT!!! I mean I wasn't going to talk to them, plus they were watching "Despicable Me" anyway. Something has been on my mind and I really need to get it off my chest (sometimes the jokes are so easy). Someone recently said to me "you are such a beautiful person on the inside" and I can not stop thinking about it. My insides are far from beautiful. First, it's bloody and gross. I have had four kids and let me tell you they tore shit up. Then it had stupid dumb breast cancer lurking and growing. I have some ovary issues and, hell, my thyroid is out of whack causing issues that I do not even want to think about right now. Abnormal, normal... what's the difference at this point? Oh, point... yes I am getting to it.
I get the whole 'beauty is only skin deep', it's 'what is on the inside that counts'. But for people battling cancer, their inside is a fucking mess. We do not like to think about what is inside, because that is what is causing the problems, not the outside. The beauty we show on the outside.
Yes, Jennifer Ainston and Channing Tatum are attractive people, but I am talking about this beauty that is illuminating. I see those people (I mean I do not know them and I am sure they are deep, caring people) as a shell of beauty. Just another attractive person. I have this odd knack of reading auras and colors or glows people give off, really a curse but that is for another post. Here is who I see as truly beautiful......
This is Jackie, age 16, battling cancer with such incredible courage she radiates a bright orange. Her face, smile gives off such a light that you want to be around her. My 12 year old said "she is hot", I think amazing, but hell I am not 12. Plus she is hilarious! This is beauty.
This Xeni who is on her way to radiation in this pic yet her expression tells the world how loyal and trusting she is. She is so supportive to so many yet I wonder if she realizes how her powerful pic really gets others through their rough time. She radiates purple, this is beauty.
This is Aileen who lost her battle with breast cancer but was still surrounded with so much love her dog had to get a kiss. Her intense beauty is so peaceful that must help her heavy hearted family. There is that whiteness around her if you look, this is beauty.
Last, this is Jennifer who is pure love. She may have lost her battle with stupid dumb breast cancer but those eyes tell me she didn't lose love at all. She emits a positive pink glow of pure, unconditional love. I can not help but see how lovely she is in all her pictures, even the most painful ones. This is REAL beauty.
Having breast cancer has changed my thoughts on the "beauty within" bullshit. These incredible people shine beauty, eject it onto you just from a picture. Their beauty fills me with hope that the world will see beauty when they look at them, not from the inside but what their outer being is saying. Every person in these pictures astounds me in their courage, loyalty, peace and love. They are so beautiful to me!