Monday, July 23, 2012

National Tractor Trailer school

I have to tell you that yesterday was the worst day. I woke up feeling pretty good. Sat with the boys as they got ready for the Fay-Man race (Ben won and Sam came in 7th, they are fast from their mother chasing them with a wooden spoon). I chilled while they were gone and watched some good old fashioned "Toddlers in Tiara". They came home so excited about the race and got ready to go to Uncle Tom and Aunt Rosie's. MC stopped by to check my BP, it was good. She just missed her boobless wonder. I was going to take a tub while they were here but I was so lightheaded. They left and the pain slowly set in. Now, I know people say they have a high threshold for pain and they are full of shit. I honestly do, but this pain was unreal. I think the way they get your boobs off is by running a semi over your chest to flatten it. The muscle pain is horrible. I feel like I did 200 push ups, 300 dips and 400 pull ups all at once! I was warned about the pain and how strange you chest feels and they did not lie. My "boobs" feel so funky, I mean what I can feel through the wrapping. I am like that uncle that could take his teeth out and make some crazy noise. My chest is making this swish swish sound and I enjoy showing people as they scream so grossed out. The meds barely touched the pain. I had a mini break down, yeah I am entitled to! I did some really great crying and whining, thank god I have good family and friends that put up with me and gave me tons of words of encouragement. After our Chinese dinner, yes it was Sunday no pasta we are living on the edge here, I sat back in my chair and put my eye patch on. The pain was still intense and I really wanted to shield the boys from it. Did I say Anthony fainted when I came home and he saw the drains?? Passed out cold turkey. I rested for the night while the boys watched Jeff Corwin and Tom did the laundry (pretty good too I may add). I admit I did play the occasional Words With Friends but other than that NOTHING. I do feel better today and I knew I would but getting through yesterday was difficult to say the least.
I am going to the plastic surgeons this morning. I have 4 drains and hopefully he is pulling 2. These suck, they do not hurt but its some nasty ass shit! Amazes me that us mastectomy people go home with these drains and have to deal with them. Like we are not having enough issues we have to empty these bulbs and record it. There is no looking good with 4 bulbs hanging from your dress with red crap in it! MC and Genevieve are taking me and I will say I am nervous. I will See my chest for the first time and wonder how I will take it? I do not care about the boobs being gone because they tried to kill me but the scars and marks will be hard to look at. I am glad I have MC to make some crude jokes and Genevieve to document the chest being unwrapped (plus she is proof how rude that little bitch can be). My day trumps all your boring ass days so do not give me "ugh I have to get the kids from camp, go to Wegman;s, stop at the bank..." shit..................... drains did not come out. Doctor says it looks great, really cause I thought it looked a little like Frankenstein. He was pleased with how my chest was healing and that did make me feel better. MC did her thing and asked questions and Genevieve did her thing and snapped away pictures. I feel better having the gauze off but the ace bandage feels good wrapped on me so I am leaving it. He was a little disappointed I wasn't wearing my heels! The visit wiped me out, which pissed me off. It's Monday and I usually do a full body work out with cardio, yet a trip to the doctor wiped me to. Stupid dumb breast cancer!!!

15 comments:

  1. Oh, I remember the first days I felt like a Mac truck ran me down!! But yes, you do start feeling better day by day. I have to tell you, the feeling of having an ace bandage wrapped around your chest constantly never goes away...it is the strangest feeling...and in the spots on the sides where I do have some feeling, is still sore to the touch. You will have good days and you will have bad days. Comes with the territory sugar!! But I have no doubt with your attitude your good days will far outweigh the bad!!
    Good luck at the PS...don't rush the drains coming out, that's where all my issues started..
    Remember, rest and be gentle on yourself!!
    Love you!!

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    1. They did not come out. Wow I look funky.

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  2. <3 Day by day girl....day by day. <3 I am so sorry about Anthony. I am having surgery on the 31st and Noah is a mess about it. It isn't anything like yours...scar tissue or endometriosis, appendix out and 2 hernia's repairs from Eli's pregnancy. These things scare children. Particularly when it is mommy. You NEED to let loose and just cry. Go to a quiet place and let it out. Prayers from Austin girlie...Dan is praying for you and the family too. <3

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  3. AM, I am sorry I had Liv with me yesterday. She was thinking she could see Ben. I could see your eyes were red and I knew what those eyes had been doing. I can't know what you are going through, I can't wrap my head and my heart all the way around it. But I do know you. I know you are strong and I know that you live your life wide open. These two things plus your complete sass assery will get you healing in mind, body and spirit. Any time you need to take a break from being strong you take it, it makes the rest of us feel a little better about wimps we are! Loving you so much!
    Cookie

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    1. Sorry I f-bombed in front of that sweet chocoholic chip girl. You always get my sobbing self, you must think that's all I do. Yesterday was an ugly crack whore, today is just a crack whiore. Wonder what tomorrow will be?

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  4. Every one of your posts is my favorite!

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  5. Sorry you had such a bad day yesterday...at least we know you are human now! And I am sorry you had to suffer without pasta on a Sunday... Mama Saroney has next Sunday covered!

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    1. Ohhhh I love me some mamma Saroney! Miss you cousin buT feel our lovin supports, xo

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  6. You are amazing. Not much more to say than that. Much love from the Murphys.

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    1. Aww you are too sweet and you know that I am a bitch so thanks woman!

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  7. Don't think about how your chest looks now, but how it will look in a few months with round perky new boobs. Hoping you will be drain free soon. Thinking of you. Chris

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    1. Thanks Chris, just what I needed to hear!

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  8. You are a superstar girlie! Everyday is an adventure (that's what pops would say)and you are the strongest person I know (ok so I don't know that many people, but whatever). Remember, it's not just Frankenstein, it's the Bride of Frankenstein with kickass legs. I love you. <3

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    1. There is the proof that you love calling me names! Bride of Frankenstein ....well just you wait, when I'm perky and your sagging, oh wait you don't have any boobs!

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