Sunday, December 1, 2013

Foob job, take 2

Today I saw my breasties foobs and I must say they look amazaboobs. Like I am talking wow. She had the gummy bear ones put in and I was blown away at how real they look. The shape, the size and how they sit all look so real. She had a nipple grafted then tattooed areoles and now she looks well for lack of a better word normal. She feels great (well minus the hysterectomy, thanks BRCA 1 gene) because she is completely satisfied with how they look. I agree they do look fabulous. I never thought I would talk about another woman's breasts this much but hey I have to give props to her plastic surgeon, so happy we share the same doc.
I find myself jealous of my friends breasts. I know that is a typical chick issue, the old “I wish I had her boobs” but this is different. I have never been a jealous girl but lately I am feeling that way. I look at how Renee, Lisa, Nancy, Rebecca and so many others have healed so beautiful. I do not just mean the shape but the scars. The keloids I get are so pronounced and painful that when I see these smooth, soft breasts I get jealous. I got cancer big friggin deal so did 2.5 million other people but the scars that it left me with are what pisses me off. I know, I know a scar is showing I survived, that I am stronger than whatever tried to hurt me, no shit I quote those all the time but sometimes its hard to see past that when you have 2 ten inch scars across your foobs with 4 holes in the side that you can feel 24/7. My scars do not heal clean and smooth and pretty. They are raised, red and painful. There is a major difference.
I am jealous of them being satisfied too. I am so happy for them that their journey, story or whatever you want to call it has brought them to a place of comfort. I would like a little of that. I hate literally hate like I want to beat someone one senseless these foobs. Nobody ever tells you that part the emotional part of the fake boobs. they pump the perky shit like crazy but they cant prepare your mental state.When my breastie and I compared foobs (that is what we do at Warrior Wellness) between the scars and the shape of mine and the beauty and realness of hers I was smack in the face with boobs!!! It blew me away how mine look, it blew me away with sadness and anger. I want these fake foreign bricks gone far away before they shift into my back! That would give an whole new meaning to back fat. Remember this is my page to bitch!
As I prepare for the DIEP next week, December 11 I feel excited. Yes I said excited!!!! I want to get a little bit of me back, I feel like I am taking back what cancer took. I have talked to all my breasties and got all the horror stories, ALL of them. I have also got the “it sucks but its doable” and I am ready. I have also heard them tell me how great they feel, a little like themselves. I am armed with a recliner, abdominal binder, meal train, stool softener, drugs and a do not disturb sign (do you know my family???). I know the recovery will be difficult but I know this is what I need. It is not about how they look in my clothes, I see you all looking. I know they look fine there. It is how they look and feel to me, its my body. I am beyond uncomfortable, I am aware of the fake boobs all the time, I am not happy, Do I have to do this surgery?? That is a dumb ass question so do not ask it. I will however answer it…YES. for my body, my mind and my health. I have the best surgical team and they are prepared for a 10 hour surgery. I told them to please feel free to take a break and have a snack.
I am going show shopping this week for a badass, killer pair of stilettos. I am giving this surgery all the attitude I can gather. Which at this point isn't a lot so I need the shoes, much like Wonder Woman needs her bracelets, ohhhhh bracelets.  I am taking my body BACK, but still a princess.  My tiara will be on my nightstand ready for me when I get home from the hospital, do not even think about touching it. Just for the record she does rock a tiara and killer shoes!!!
I see a serious resemblence

1 comment:

  1. I too am currently wearing the bricks on my chest and I am 4 weeks post double mastectomy. I'm filled to 475cc right now and I feel like if they put 1 more CC in there, they are gonna explode! I absolutely love reading your blog! The things you write are exactly like what goes through my head on a daily basis. I admire your attitude and courage. We as a family have a twisted sense of humor and most of my journey thus far has been tolerable due to humor and bad jokes. Good luck on your journey. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and follow your blog religiously. XOXO