It is NOT over. I have had a nodule on my thyroid for years that has been watched (not very good but still watched). They have aspirated it a couple of times, this is code for sticking a huge friggin needle into my neck and pumping out liquid without numbing it, yes it sucks as bad as it sounds. It has always been fine and honestly I never thought twice about it. OK, maybe a quick thought entered of some crazy ass disease but then thoughts of dinner or True Blood took over, I have ADD a little. Now what was I talking about??? Oh right, so my uncle suggested I get blood work done for my thyroid, well that is never cut and dry so a sono was put into play. The results are in people and..... There are 5 more nodules in addition to my 1, it is probably nothing but guess what?? I have stupid dumb breast cancer so whenever there is shit like this you worry. Especially, when "we have to rule out cancer" (this is said in my Darth Vader voice, makes it funnier to me). Really it is probably nothing but the thought of another MRI makes me sick. Like I have stated I do not enjoy laying still none the less not talking and now add that "BOOM BOOM BOOM" to it, UGH. The the dye crap they inject that makes my equilibrium off (ok more so than normal). If only it was Boom Boom POW of the Black Eyed Peas:) Off to the Thyroid Doctor today, let the question and answer and question games begin.
Lucky to have breast cancer??? Tell that to my 10 year old who sobbed the night before my mastectomy. Or to my husband who hated seeing me in pain. Better yet to my friend who had to have her expander taken out because it leaked, I am sure that she thinks she is so fucking lucky now. Or those people who have lost their life to stupid dumb breast cancer. It was not luck I got stupid dumb breast cancer, it was just what I got. I am not lucky that I got the "easy" cancer (cause my life has been sooooo NOT easy since May) it is just what cancer I got and I am dealing best I know how. Luck is not being played here, being healthy is. Every cancer is different for everyone, there is not luck in cancer.... it's fucking cancer people!!!
Enjoy the holidays, huh?? I get my implants in right before the holidays then meet with the GYN oncologist right after the holidays. Oh and I get another MRI, PET scan and blood drawn too for my 6 month check to come on say it with me "rule out cancer". Not enjoyable, BUT I will find a way to party do not worry. I am not saying that this is horrible rotten life and I will not get through this because I will, wearing heels and a smile.
You have to understand that cancer opens you up to so much that even going to the dentist is stressful, I am sure there is tooth cancer. It puts worry in your head and fright in your heart. I mean if something happens to me will Tom feed the children over the sink or will he use actual plates??? This is so far from over this is just my life now. It is not lucky or easy but doable especially if the 'cancer perks" keep rolling in. I am not stupid dumb breast cancer and it certainly is not me. It is just what is going on with my body and I fulling intend to .......
I find it really fascinating that any person can begin a sentence to someone with cancer "aren't you glad..." the rest is just for shock value. I hate being so far away right now cuz as your backup my slapping hand is extremely itchy. I will say it again, or maybe it's the first time, you my soul sister are taking this on with such grace and positive energy, my dad would be proud. He did the same with his cancer (and no he wasn't glad), remember it's an adventure ;) xoxo
ReplyDeleteI just hope they do not start throwing medical shit out at me ....you know I shut down. And yes pops was right an adventure, take the ride whoever you can!
Deletetooth cancer~ha!! Actually that sounds horrible--I hope I didn't offend anyone with tooth cancer. Totally sucks to always have to wonder AM. We count on you to tell us when we say stupid stuff. Love ya.
ReplyDeleteGenevieve you are the least offensive person I know. Your post made me smile and I really needed that today. I need some V too though....btw get to work we have a show coming up!
DeleteYou go girl! Way to let it out!
ReplyDeleteIt frustrates me too when ppl try to downplay the disease and think that once treatment is done we should just go back to 'normal'. There is an expectation that non-cancer peeps have that once patient is done surgery, chemo and radiation that they will be all chipper, carefree and happy again!
What they don't get is that we aren't really able to let the months of treatment really sink in until after they are over. And the worry is there long after the chaos of treatment. No wonder so many of us are going through PTSD months after it's all 'DONE'.
It's never OVER! lol
But we can still try and conquer all the emotions that come along with it. And MAYBE, just MAYBE we will be able to forget cancer for a few hours in order to enjoy the holidays.
Peace lady! xo
Oh lovely I agree. Plus during all this we are on auto pilot. I'm just sick of nodding my head and saying "yes all good" ,......oh wait I never did that! Xoxo to you hot sauce, hope treatment is bearable this week...
DeleteYuck, I hate that you have to go through all that crap again, unrelated to the stupid dumb breast cancer, that stinks. I would never, could never presume to imagine how awful and hard it must be to try to stay positive and not absolutely obsess about cancer rearing it's ugly head somewhere else--I think about how hard it is not to obsess about your husband and kids having to do without you when you haven't even been through sickness and debilitating treatment. One of the many things I think is so very awesome about you, AM, is that you give a voice to things that so many other survivors and warriors must feel and not be able or comfortable to put into words--and it also helps us knuckleheads who desperately want to say the right thing figure out, even a little bit, how certain things make you feel and why certain words aren't really encouraging at all. 'Lucky' does fit, though, for all of us who get to know you, learn from you, and be a part of your amazing and no-holds-barred cage match against S.D.B.C.
ReplyDeleteLove your blog and stealing your "I'm gonna make BC my Bitch" photo =). Tina, 27 y.o. BC stage 2 grade lll, diagnosed in August 2012
ReplyDeleteTina, If you can't get it from here just google it. Please check my FB pafe too. Looks like we were having a long summer together. Where are you in your journey??? If there is any way I can help even if you just want to bitch, I am your bitch! Sending you some crazy ass healthy vibes!!
DeleteAM
For your thyroid nodules ask about Veracyte Afirma test to be done for the tissue collected during the biopsy. It can evaluate most genetic mutations associated with thyroid cancers! Also some nodules can be reduced in size by PEI (ethanol injection treatment!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the 411 Integrator:) I will be looking into this
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