Here we go...again!

Wake up well didn't really sleep,  shower, drive to hospital, go through check in, vitals, SHOES, drive the staff nuts, NO COFFEE, get drugs, say inappropriate things to hospital staff, go to sleep while the doctor gets to work............stay tuned as Tom will fill you in!

Are you shitting me?

TMI you might say or informative you might say, either way this is shitty! The docs tell you what they think is all you need to know then send you home with a slip of paper reading “drink a whole bottle of Magnesium Citrate then do a Fleet enema”, are you shitting me? Yes, literally you are. Drinking that bottle ironically tasted like ass, not that I know exactly what that tastes like! You need to be cleaned out before they go in plunging stuff around. An enema, how much more crap can I take. So tonight I spend the night before surgery in the friggin bathroom. I thought having a baby was hard work, well Rosemary’s baby is much worse than that. Do not even get me started on the “you will be very gassy after” part, I swear this is a man’s doing.  I had to miss my son’s concert because I didn’t know when it would kick in! All ok he is a lip syncer anyway, but who will stand up and wave until he waves back??
Ok let’s move on this is gross…I have been given some great advice from fellow hyster/oopherectomy girls and I find it so important. I thank everyone of them from Cali to Texas and Mexico to Italy they are amazing woman who have been so supportive and helpful.

• You are bloated after so wear sweatpants
• Heating pads help with gas/pain
• Eat cupcakes (I like that one!!)
• Do not even try to lift anything
• WALK WALK WALK

Scared?? Well, I was much more nervous last week, feeling better now. It is what it is and you just have to deal and well that is that. It s my kids that is killing me. Ben is so nervous he is on overdrive. Sam just wants me to say there is no cancer. Anthony just wants to play with his friends and Julian well, he wants momma home to snuggle. My husband is plugging along but I see the look of concern on his face as clear as daylight. Hard to see the ones you loved scared and know that you can not say it is going to be ok! Has this increased my level of fight? Totally, wouldn’t it you? I think I am (as well as Tom) more nervous of FULL BLOWN menopause. There is no gradual slope here you are just in it head on. I can not take hormones so I am looking for no hormonal advice. I just hope that my family and friends will be as kind to me as I am ripping their heads off for the stupidest of shit. This journey has been insane:lump, no boobs, implants, reproduction parts, OH MY.

 

Everyone keeps asking if I am ready. Honestly, my bag is packed (killer shoes) and that is all I have to do. Now I wonder if anyone asked the doctor, nurses, anesthesiologist and ALL of Crouse hospital if they are ready for the “Princess in stilettos”??? Sleep well Doctor you got work to do first thing!

Upcoming events….

Ya piece of cheese

One of my favorite pic, my grandmother could DANCE!!

Happy Birthday to one of the strongest pain in the asses I ever knew. Today was my grandmother’s birthday and she was the true badass! She spoke her mind and didn’t care how it came out or how you took it. Nana did it all from the heart or not at all. She would iron the shit of out clothes (took 100 washes to get the creases out) and did not believe in a Swifer. She actually thought the devil invented it! Her skin was gorgeous and she ate like a champ. When the chips were down she was at your side to clean it up. She drove us nuts with her gospel talk and quotes from 60 minutes. She loved baseball and basketball but HATED football. Her doughnuts had to be crème filled or it was a not worth it . She was known to take food out of the garbage as to not let it go to waste and she would eat the food off your plate if you turned away. Her basement was damp and musty but refused to stay upstairs.  Every Sunday she buttered both sides of my boys bread and gave them a dollar. Nana made the best eggplant and no one really can do it like her even though we all think we do. I miss her more than life and want her here beside me. I want to listen to her bible quotes and the click of her dentures. I want to take her to Peter’s to buy 2 bananas cause she only liked them fresh. I want her to yell at me for drinking diet Coke and booze. I want to hear her say that woman who drink beer out of bottles are "trashy butanas". I want to hear her say “twenty lashes with a wet noodle”. I wish she was here to tell me all the things I am doing wrong during this battle eeven though I know she would be so proud. I want her to cry with me…..

Happy birthday ya old lady, you will always be 90 years YOUNG to us!!

Rosemary’s baby

 

Even before stupid dumb breast cancer reared its ugly head I have been a cystic girl. I have had a little dusting and cleaning done every other year just about (I think the technical term is D & C but mine is funnier). I have had 3 miscarriages and 4 babies, a tubal ligation, ablation and a scope every now and then, needless to say my girl parts have been worked over. So when I was still getting the periods after the ablation my sweet doc decided to have a look, like he hasn’t been there before! Low and be hold there are some more cysts growing like wild fire. If you saw my file at this office you would laugh, the girls can’t even fit it in the holder they have to set it on the counter. I think one uses a forklift to get it out, So these cysts (Rosemary’s baby we call them, if you have no clue what I am talking about please Google) are giving me pelvic pain, pressure, lower back pain and cramps like the devil’s child. Considering my history it is ALL coming out. My cervix, uterus, tubes, ovary…out and good riddance! I really thought this would be about 5 pounds worth of weight but it looks like its only ounces, wtf I get robbed again! Once the pathology reports come back we will know what the next steps are. Taking this one step at a time and trying not to leap forward.

Here is the truth, I am scared like a crazy lady. The uncertainty of all this makes me nuts. Plus, add the fact that they thought I just had papilloma and then told me it was stupid dumb breast cancer makes my nerves even worse. I did not realize that the surgery was 3-4 hours, well I guess when they roto rooter your vagina they need to keep you under for awhile. I have been told that my begging will not work to go home. Looks like I am sleeping over, my sister offered to stay with me but really could the hospital deal with the both of us??? Unfortunately for me this doctor and staff know me oh too well so I know I can not beg my way to going home. I need my rest they say, yeah cause getting my vitals checked every half hour is so restful. As my brother says “Don’t be difficult, try to be someone else” so I guess I will listen. The surgery itself is at the same place I had my mastectomy, I am hoping for the same attendant!!  I guess I need new PJ’s, MC will you help me find some. LOL I can not find PJ’s I like, partly because I am so friggin short and the other cause I don’t normally wear them!

don’t even get me going over the menopause shit. I will be in full on menopause, hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, my poor family. If anyone has any suggestions I will take them because I can not have hormone, breast cancer LOVES estrogen. I am wiggin out about this, I am a spaz as it is I can not image adding to this!

Overwhelming oh hell yes! So glad I got the easy cancer, huh? I am hoping for everything to be ok but the world is a crazy whacky place so you know what they say “Hope for the best, prepare for the worst”.

I went and got my eyebrows done, shoes shined, pedi next week, hair next week, then its show time! I have the BEST shoes for this one, these are glittered out, I mean come one they are taking a LOT out. Last time I was so concerned with what underwear to wear, well this time I do not need any. If you have read my blog you know I am very inappropriate  under anesthesia, can you image what will come out as they place my legs in stir ups!? Last time I had surgery with this doc I told the nurse to make sure he didn’t slip a ruffie, thanks god they had a sense of humor. Don’t worry I waxed too (Brazilian that is lmao).

Stacks for Racks…

I HAD CANCER

 

I am a guest blogger on the site www.ihadcancer.com

The site connects cancer fighters, supports and survivors by what type of cancer you have and where you live. You can search by age, too! It is an awesome page. PLEASE check it out….

http://www.ihadcancer.com/h3-blog/01-14-2013/Do-You-See-What-I-See