And now I am pissed off

We have 4 boys ages 12 to 4 and getting together to watch something as a family is a challenge. There are so many inappropriate things out there and if you know child #3 you know he needs no encouraging. So when we started watching "Cake Boss" it was perfect. For those who do not know its a reality show about a bakery in New Jersey. The family is straight up Italian American and the boys can find someone in our family that reminds them of the people on the show. So needless to say we LOVE the show. My Sammy so much that he wants to go to Carlo's Bakery for his birthday!! At Sunday dinner today there was a preview for a new episode and the mother is ill. The family is shown all crying and worried about her well being. I know, I know I am getting to the point, relax. Sammy lost it. I took him in the other room where he cried and told me how scared and worried he was. He obviously knows I grew up without a mom so he gets that can be a reality for some. Seeing the fear in my son's eyes made me so pissed off like I can not explain.

****Disclaimer VERY FOUL LANGUAGE to follow*****

Go fuck yourself breast cancer! Hate is too nice of a word for your stupid ass. How dare you scare my children. Only I can do that! You can kiss my ass because that is all I will give you. You are nothing but a little bitch slap and I will destroy you. You have no idea what type of fury you lite in me!

How to talk to someone with breast cancer from someone with breast cancer

You know that moment you see the person you just heard has breast cancer and you want to say something helpful? It is sort of awkward and you want them to know that you are thinking of them. Should you come out and say it? Should you top toe around? Pretend like you do not know? What do you do? I am always looking to be ever so helpful so I am here guide you through this. Caution use of foul language to follow. Let me tell you what NOT to say or do....

1. "I heard you were sick?" Listen, I am not sick!! I feel fanfreakingtastic (yes that is a word). Breast cancer is working its magic inside me and not effecting my outside at all. I do not have the flu I have breast cancer!
2. "Everything will be OK". No shit in like 8 months when this is behind me but for right now things are tough.... doctor appointments, phone calls, surgeries, the anticipation being scared (yes I am scared so get over it) and the upcoming PAIN. All not OK, yes it will be but I am living in the here and now.
3. "How are you doing?" Take a guess?! My summer is on edge, I have stupid dumb breast cancer and about to under go a major operation. Honestly, how the eff do you think I am?? Plus if you are asking me then the 15 other people before you asked too, I am friggin sick of answering that (wait I just said I wasn't sick, OPPS).
4. "Let me know what I can do to help?" OK this one gets Tom going too. You could take the kids to Disney (that is Tom's response). I know you want to be helpful but do not offer if you really are just looking for something to say cause I may ask you to take me to get a bikini wax and hold my hand. Plus, just do something to help do not say it. It is hard enough to ask for help so just get on task.
5. The head tilt, do not tilt to the side and ask any of the above. It makes people with breast cancer feel like you "feel sorry" for them. I mean yes you feel bad but no one wants that pity look. Makes me violent I tell you.
6."My Uncle Louie's wife's great aunt's mother had breast cancer, it was horrible and she died". OK, really if it is not 1st person and not a good outcome save it. Nothing is worse than hearing about someone dying from breast cancer, trying to live here! Think positive, no negativity here.

OK so I am sure some of you are like "Shit I did that (or all of that)". Do not worry I am giving you a bye because I know it all comes from the heart. I am also giving you advice. Here is some great things to say and do....

1. "Damn girl you are looking fine! Breast cancer looks good on you"
2. "Those new boobs will be killer with that top"
3. "I know you do not need it but I am sending you lots of positive energy" (I will even take prayers here)
4. "I know there is nothing I can do to stop this which has got to suck, so feel free to punch me"
5. "Wanna get drunk?"
6. "Wow you are going kick breast cancer's ass so bad it dies"

And last but not least...."I know you wanted those pink Christian Louboutin so I got them for you".

Hope you all found this humorous, if you did not oh well I am the one with stupid dumb breast cancer you guys are just need something to do! :)

FOOTNOTE....This is for Alissa. DO NOT I repeat DO NOT tell a breast cancer bitch about to get a double mastectomy to go see a Chinese Herbalist instead!! She is so luckY I love her forever:)

I do like to win

WTF, I now really have a plastic surgeon??!! I feel so "Mob Wives" like, I want to be Drita! The meeting today with the plastic surgeon was quick and painless, I didn't even have to take my clothes off for once. He is confident that my surgery will go off without a hitch and my new boobs will be "perky". I really kept an eye on Tom and made sure he did not sign, mouth,or  gesture "Double D" to the doc. It was very surreal going there and taking about implants, which I am not opposed to just hate the reason I am there. It brings me that much closer to the BIG DAY.  I mean come on how many more times do I have to "look on the brighter side"? There really is not a brighter side, it is just a side and that side needs a little pink glitter paint to brighten the walls. Life is sucky and you have to figure out how to not let it suck the life out of you or suck you in. I will never be the why me person because why not me? I am not any better than any other breast cancer survivor or fighter out there. I am just me, with new perky boobs! OK I am fabulous especially in a tiara, pink boa and sucking down champagne at 7am:)

At the Race for the Cure 2012 with my Nikki

Needs and Wants

So I got stupid dumb breast cancer, what do you do? OK I am talking about after the doctor appointments, double mastectomy, chemo and all that shit...what do you do??? DUH, you shop! I do not need bras, I am gonna love that (there will be a bra give away party, I have a drawer full! Nikki has claimed the turquoise and black strapless but all others are up for grabs) . New dresses for sure to stuff new boobs into is a must. BUT it is all about SHOES right now!! Put on beautiful, strappy heels and you feel instantly sexy. I have no problem walking around this house in heels. The boys think I am nuts and Tom just keeps smiling. I want these shoes very bad. If anyone reading this blog knows where to get them please comment. I need these!!! We talk about "needs and wants" in this house and while I know the difference I still NEED these. I want to rock these heels through this stupid dumb lumpy ass adventure. So, all you minions get on it and help a chick with breast cancer get her need, yes I am playing that card.

Never underestimate the power of a woman on a mission. Tom and I found this shoe tonight! Yippppeeeee and blahahahahahahahaha!!! It is a collectible shoe as in 1 made of resin. We have been cracking up and wondering why no one has made this shoe yet. It would look so fabulous on my foot!

Free boobs and all I had to get was breast cancer

What cancer will or will not do

Will NOT break this family!

Cancer will not kill my friendships, it is making them stronger. Cancer is making my friends take a long walk off a short pier in their bathing suits for ME! It will not ever take my humor away; I will laugh it right out of me. It makes me laugh as I stand with my BFF's (or on them) and cry because their support is too over whelming. Stupid dumb cancer pushes me to stand on a rock topless in 6 inch heels while my friends tell me I look great. It makes me feel fierce because I enjoy a good fight! It drains me emotionally but pulls strength from places I didn't know I had. Stupid dumb cancer makes my girlfriends jump in the water, my husband vacuum the ceiling, my kids talk about MRI's and early detection, my family call a million times (oh wait they do that anyway), but it will never knock out my confidence, strength, and hope. So take that stupid dumb breast cancer you're a dumb ass! Thanks to all my girls for tonight you amazed, inspired and gave me hope!